Christina Grimmie Memory/Tribute Book

Pierre

Christina Grimmie

This girl. She has finally passed me through all the emotions.

I could spend hours writing how Christina is awesome, how she is funny, how she inspires me, and how beautiful her voice is. I could devote entire paragraphs to describe how she changed my life and influenced me to makes me the person I am today. Unfortunately I don't think I'll be able to talk about that today.

As I write it's been almost a month since she left us, leaving a painful hollow in thousands of hearts around the world. I wanted to write something for her, something sincere, but how to express this sincerity? We saw thousands of messages, reactions to what happened. So many deeply moving tributes. But to me, too many reactions lacked in sincerity and it breaks my heart (whether anonymous or celebrities). Anyway the most beautiful words in tributes to this fabulous person were spoken by her friends and family, there's no doubt.

If I had to describe Christina in one word it would be "authentic". Since her appearance on the small screen of Youtube she has always demonstrated authenticity. She was in front of us, the anonymous crowd, she sang, she laughed, she joked, she was spontaneous. She was Christina Grimmie, she was Zeldaxlove64, she was the superstar we all wanted to see in concert, she was the young girl of 15 years in the room with her posters of Sonic and Link, she was our idol and our friend.

I'll try to express myself here with sincerity and authenticity by telling you how my subconscious has responded to this tragedy. Because what could be more sincere and authentic that emotions which are buried deep within you? Moreover, it's easier to tell a story than express what I feel. Twice since that terrible night, I dreamed of her.

~

Night of the Friday 1st of July to Saturday 2nd of July 2016

Two days earlier I had spent my first evening with friends for a while. We just had spent almost 3 hours to laugh between us. It was the first time I really laughed since the assassination.

I was just sitting at a rectangular table in a dining room in a house. We were a group of young people, six or seven boys and girls sitting around this table. We all came from different countries and do not speak the same language. In order to understand each others, we were trying to speak English with varying degrees of ease. Despite this difference, we were all like good friends, as if we had known each other for years. We were just talking about geek stuff and laughing about everything and nothing. People at table were not clearly identifiable, they had no knowable face. Except the person who was in front of me. It was her, Christina.

Strangely, of all this group of friends she was the person I knew the least. As if we had many common friends but we met today for the first time. She was also the most shy. I don't know exactly why but I had a bag with chocolate croissants with me (french specialty). I pulled out one, probably to eat it, when she exclaimed "AWW I LOVE THOSES FRENCH CHOCOLATE CROISSANTS!!!" She was making me eyes sweet as a manga character and she said "Can I have one?" So I simply pulled out a chocolate croissant and gave it to her with a smile. She said a "Thank you!" quite energetic and had started eating her pastry.

The evening had continued in good mood. We were always talking about geek stuff and laughing together. I remember that someone had a replica of the Master Sword and the shield of Link and he began to parody some scenes of the game to entertain everyone.

And the dream was abruptly stopped. We were laughing and then nothing. Only the unknown darkness of a dreamless night.

Later in the day I realized that this abrupt end in a moment of happiness for no reason and without warning cruelly reminded me what happened. Somehow that reassured me. She was gone happy, without even realizing her own death.

~

Night of the Thursday 7 of July to Friday 8 of July 2016

I've always been a big fan of these videos "Above all that is random" that Christina and Sarah were performing as duet. Their choreographies were absolutely delirious (I was too bad in English to understand the lyrics when I was 15). Sarah has always represented to me "the pretty girl totally delirious and friend of Christina." I admired their complicity.

I was in my small hometown, walking in the street with a small procession. There were about twenty people. Her family, her friends and few other people, surely fans. We were walking a little messy. The faces were sad, Christina was already gone to the other side. I remember those fans who came. A group of young girls barely out of puberty who were determined to meet Christina's family and were even hoping an autograph of them. I was putting myself on the other side of the procession, embarrassed by their presence and their behavior. Tina was a bit lost, she didn't know how to react to them. But something else bothered me, who was that girl who was walking alongside Tina?

Christina was here with his family. She was walking with us as if we were doing a simple walk, she was not sad, she seemed even serene. But she was a ghost.

Nobody could see her, except myself, I was aware of she was a ghost but she was not aware that people couldn't see her, she was not aware to be dead.

I do not know why, but I moved a little away from the procession. A few minutes later, Sarah left the procession, taken by untenable tears. She sat on a stone ledge and put her head into her arms crying. We could only see her hair swinging to the rhythm of sobs. I looked around but it seemed that no one has noticed what was happening. I was a little embarrassed. I didn't know if I should go see her. The procession was moving away slowly, she might want to be alone.

It made me so upset to see her in this state, I finally went to join her. I sat next to her. She had raised her tearful face to look at me and then she put her head in her arms to continue to tears. I was a little hesitant, I wanted to take her in my arms to try to comfort her, but we don't really know each other. Finally I ended up listening to my heart and held her against me, joining my pain to hers by some discreet tears. Sarah finally seemed to prefer to not to be alone, using my shoulder rather than her arm to hide her face.

This is where Christina appeared, she was sitting next to Sarah. She didn't understand what was happening, but she was always so serene. She put her hand on the shoulder of her friend. She said nothing, ghosts do not talk. But this hand on the shoulder of Sarah seemed to mean that she had to come up and join the rest of the procession. She remained a moment, looking at us with a slight smile.

Then the dream disappeared slowly ...

~

I do not listen to many singers. Usually I'm more interested in instrumental music. But if I had to give a definition to the word "singer" I would say without a doubt: Christina Grimmie.

The young man I was made a promise to himself, "If I have children one day I'll make them listen Lindsey Stirling and Christina Grimmie and I'll bring them to see these two great artists in concert." I never thought that this promise can be so hard to keep ...

Pierre

Written for her frands, friends and family

In memory of Christina Grimmie

(Message wrote July 2016, added to book November 25th, 2017)