Head Space

1

Dear Diary,

I know it has been a while since I have written, and I'll probably look back on this in a year and think "what in the world was I thinking?", but isn't that the point to a diary? Aren't I supposed to just let it all out, use it as a cleanse, and regroup for the next day? Man, I sure wish it was that easy. My mind is so full of clutter and I absolutely cannot think straight. Ha! Remember when I could do that? Yeah, me neither.

I finally decided today that I was going to join one of those online dating sites. I need to meet new people and figure out my direction in this life. I know I have purpose, but I still feel like I am empty. There is definitely a void that needs to be filled. I've caught myself smoking more cigarettes than normal, too. I guess it is just nerves. I'm drinking more too, but it's wine so I am justified, right? Okay, don't answer that. Yes, I am writing you as if you were here listening to me, and that's okay because when I go back and read this, I will know just how crazy I was, just how little sleep I was getting, how much I was drinking and smoking, how I was never home because I was always out at the club, how I was broke, and how I was in my prime and really needed a good tumble in the sack. The kind of fun that I didn't have to narrate, but just the kind that makes your toes curl, your back arch, and everything relax. Does that exist without batteries? Hell, I wouldn't know because yes, it has been that long. Ugh... I am that miserable and unhappy. I'm the lonely cat lady. Oh my goodness, i cannot believe I just wrote that!

And so now that I have managed to bear my soul in a leather-bound journal from Half-Priced Books, I am going to snuggle with this blanket in my pajama bottoms and sports bra, with this cheap bottle of wine, and watch television until I fall asleep on the couch. Impressed with my nightly adventures, Mr. Journal? Maybe greater things will come, no pun intended. But for now...

Goodnight from The Cat Lady

P.S. Remind me to name you. Mr. Journal? Cheap wine might be doing the trick. Until tomorrow....