Annabelle’s POV:
I quickly ran over to Andrew’s house and knocked on the door panting. He opened it and immediately pulled my into a hug.
“Is it bad that I-We are still worrying about this and like focusing on it. I mean has it been too long?” I questioned, thinking I should just learn to live with it, not really expecting to know why he did it. But will we ever know? I mean is there ever a reason that someone kills themselves. I mean a reason that can’t be fixed.
Maybe his mind was just all over the place.
That’s it. It had to be. He just didn’t know how to control it. All his poems, I mean, he didn’t lead an easy life, and now I’m learning that it was even harder than i expected.
I asked Andrew for his journal and he handed it to me without hesitation.
I flipped to a random page.
I guess you could say this is how I feel. I don’t know when I started to feel this way, and I feel bad for feeling this way, but this is it and I can’t change it.
There’s little joy in life for me,
And little terror in the grave;
I’ve lived the parting hour to see
Of one I would have died to save.
Calmly to watch the failing breath,
Wishing each sigh might be the last;
Longing to see the shade of death
Over those belovèd features cast.
I flipped to another page,
I miss you bro, I know we weren’t very close, and you took your life when I was young, but the moments we had I am never going to forget. I love you and I’ll join you soon. 11.15.11
I awake each morning to start a new day
But the pain of loosing you never goes away.
I go about the things I have to do
And as the hours pass I think again of you.
I want to call you and just hear your voice
Then I remember that I have no choice
For you are not there and now my heart cries
Just to see you again to tell you goodbye
I kept flipping the pages, and the words got jumbled up in my head.
“He killed himself because of you! The words kept floating through my mind and I think at some point, I started saying them to myself, and at that point, i realize, that’s when I let myself go.”
“When I get home get ready for some fun! he said as he walked off to get drunk, i didn’t want to think about tonight.”
“why do you even try.”
“died”
“lost”
“numb”
“tired”
“I guess I just gave up.”
“Nothing is going to get better, and I see that now. After 4 years I finally see it.”
But I got it. I understood, and the worst part, if I had been in his position I think I would’ve done the same thing.
“I get it.” I said looking and Andrew, “I guess I would’ve done the same thing, I don’t know, he was hurting, and I feel his hurt.”
He looked at me with sad eyes. This seemed to be the only thing taking up our time anymore.
“I don’t want to live without him Andrew. I really don’t.”
Andrew’s POV:
Her words wouldn’t leave my mind.
“You can’t leave me Annabelle, if you do, I don’t know what I’ll do, Annabelle please.”
She just looked at me and didn’t say anything.
She handed the book to me with a poem and something she had written next to it.
Can't breath
Can't see
Can't live my life
Can't bare the feeling I have inside.
Can't stop the constant think of you
One day we'll meet again.
We'll leave the world behind.
Until we meet another time my life is nothing, but in sorrow.
This poem is how I feel. I miss you Tyler, but I’ll see you soon. I already see you every night in my dreams.
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