Fire Anxiety

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Did you know that ashes are the hottest part of a fire? By itself, it can restart a flame, a fire. Just give the ashes something to burn and a little breath of air and, just like that, it's burning bright again, consuming everything on its path.

I've had anxiety for as long as I can remember.
My first panic attack was when I visited New York City with my family, it's nothing more than a blur to me, not only because I was so young, only 8 at the time, but also because that's what panic attacks does to your mind and memories.
They take your control of everything, make you feel like hell and leave a blur on everything except that exact moment you felt like it was the end.


My anxiety is just like fire. It's violent, unpredictable and it's always right there, in my body, waiting to get out. And when I think the fire is put out, that it's gone, that the ashes will only be a reminder of what used to be there, a tiny piece of paper is thrown in it, followed by the smallest breath of air, and, well, the fire is burning like never before.

But, have you ever looked at a fire? The colours, the flames dancing in every directions, the warmth it creates and the light it makes.
The light.
My anxiety might leave a blur when it explodes, but the explosion creates light. It helps me to make descision that are right for me, it helps me to focus on what I want and need, it helps me. It burn me so I can re-create myself in a new, better, way.
Whether I want it or not, I have anxiety and always will.
But that's okay, I made peace with my fire.

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