Guts Over Fear

Prologue

   Reading the synopsis  first is strongly recommended by the author. Other than that, this is going to be a bumpy ride, so hold on people! And enjoy.

"Come with me. Jasmine. I can give you all the things he never will. I will spoil you in a life of many extravagances. I'll take you to exotic locations, anywhere you want, that's where we will go. Baby, I will make you happy.", He, my  sexy lover says.

My breath catches at that last bit. About happiness. The coveted  promise of ecstacy.  One that is forever unattainable to me.

"What about him?", I bring out.

I already knew what he was going to say. I know how he feels about Joseph. Justified or not, I am not the judge of that.

Ian runs his hands through his  hair, his blue eyes glowing with fury. I want to go to his side, I want to comfort him, I want to tell him that everything was going to work out. But I stayed where I was, under the linen sheets of Ian's king size bed waiting for him to calm down. For I knew, whatever I chose to say, it would all be a lie. Nothing was going to work out. Our fucked-up existences will not get a tad bit better.

With renewed urgency, he strides towards the side of the bed I was lying on, and he gets on his knees, his eyes level on mine.

There is desperation is his eyes. He is trying to reason with me, begging me with his every breath, beseech in  every look he gives me with those blue eyes.

"Jas, you deserve a lot better. You deserve so much better. You deserve everything.  Everything and some more. Why do you insist on doing this to yourself? Why?"

I stroke his cheek. The side of his lips. And run my hands  through his thick dark brown curls. The passion that radiates from his body is palpable through the room. My man, I think to myslef. 

Not the only one though.

"Trust me when I tell you this. Ian, I don't deserve anything. I have already been given enough. And asking for more would be asking for too much. I am ...okay with where I am , why can't you just accept that? Ian, if you only knew, if you knew what I have done..."

I let that sentence hang in the air. Incomplete.  The thought of him knowing, of the atrocities in my past,  the thought alone is unbearable.

He pulls my hand out of his hair, coaxes the other one I had in the sheets out too, and holds them both in his hands. He applies a slight pressure to make his point, as he says, "Help me understand then, babe. Tell me everything.  You know I would never abandon you. The more I know, the more I desire.  I desire you. Trust me. Trust me enough to let go. Let go, Jas."

He is sometimes naive, my Ian. He has no idea what he is asking me  to do. Only two people know  of what Ian is begging me to disclose. Even that in fragments. Not the whole truth. Never the whole stories.

"I can't, Ian. I just can't.  I can not force my mind to relive those moments, and I sure as hell can't force my lips to form the words. I can't.  And about Joseph, stop asking me to abandon him. I will never. He is a part of me, as I am of his.", I declare,  as calmly as ever. I have realised getting worked up helps no-one.

He jerks away from me. He walks away and starts pacing, from one corner to the other.

"But why do you stay with him, woman! Why do you stay if he hits you?", he explodes.

Smiling, I pull the covers away from my body, and I start getting up from the bed, walking towards him, in all my naked glory. He stops pacing, and waits. Waits to see what I would do. When I reach his side, I put my hands on his shoulders, lean in close, and plant a light kiss on his lips, pulling away as quickly,  after which I proceeded to say,

"I stay with Joseph not despite the fact that he hits me, Ian.", I whisper.

"I stay because he hits me."

Ian sucks in a breath. I register the shock on his face, waiting for it to fully register.  As soon as it does though, a look of resignation falls on his face. Right before he scoops me off my feet and carries me back to the bed.
              
                                                                           /

Hey guys!so did you like the prologue! This scene is planned to happen in about the middle chaps of the book! But still, it was a taste of what is to come! Thanks for reading.  Love you all.

Carmen, this is for us. I don't know how this is supposed to help,  but I hope in some small way, it does!