To my love...

6~ To Will

Dear Will, Hi, do you remember me? I know we haven't talked in a very long time, and I doubt you've thought about me for a while. The truth is, I haven't been able to stop myself from thinking about you for almost 3 years. I remember those days, 3 years ago. Things were starting to get hard in my life, but you were being so sweet to me, and I started feeling comfortable around you. Looking back, I realize I flirted a bit with you, and that's saying something considering I hardly ever even talked to people in general. Then you started dropping signs, but I didn't realize it at first. You would say hello to me in the hallways, you asked me for help on Spanish, complimented me, and then finally I heard you telling your friends that you liked me. Frankly, I was shocked. It didn't take long for it to sink in though, because before I knew it I was falling head over heels for you.Now, as stupid as it may seem, those were some of the best few months of my life. I definitely wasn't going to make a move to date you or anything, and it seemed you weren't going to either, but that was fine with me at that time.Then the school year ended, and summer came. Of course, I thought of you all summer. At about that time, I decided to tell my friends about you, although I was nervous what they would think because you didn't really seem my type. You were talkative and silly, while I was a little more reserved. But somehow, it worked for us. Anyway, I told my friends about it. They more saw it as just me liking you, seeming to... disregard what I said about finding out about how you liked me.Now, things started to go downhill. I'm sure with a little reminding you'll recall when you got a text saying something like "soooo... I heard that you liked [insert my name here]. Is that true?" Of course, you denied it, saying nothing but "No". I don't blame you, I would have done the exact same thing, but looking back on it, I feel how horrified you must have been to get that text. I regret letting my friend send that, because all that came out of it was embarrassment for both of us. Well, before I knew it, a new school year started. And what do you know? We had no classes together except for band, which didn't count because you sat all the way in the back of the room with your friends, while I sat in the front row. But now that we never talked, things were different. You never gave me a second glance, and you had changed. You were taller, and you had made different friends. It was at this point I realized you had definitely moved on from me. I don't blame you, to be honest. I embarrassed myself plenty. Remember when you were standing out in the hallway, about to go to lunch and I walked into the boy's bathroom right in front of you and ran back out, horrified? cringe. But I tried my best to ignore you. It was clear you had moved on, and I told myself, "don't worry. By the end of the year at the latest, you'll be over him too." Oh, how wrong I was. The year ended. My self esteem and confidence started to drop (not because of you) and I became excessively worried of what people thought of me. Now no one at my school needs reminding of this-- I am incredibly short and skinny for my age. I could pass for way younger than I actually am. Physically, I'm not attractive at all, and I'm not saying that for pity, it's just a fact. So here was what I struggled with about you--There were plenty of other girls who were prettier, taller, and more developed than I was. So why would you choose me over them? This was why I struggled. You managed to have a crush on me when I looked more pathetic than ever 3 years ago. And this is why I still can't get over you.I know you've changed. I hate this, but I know what you're like today. You curse sometimes and watch inappropriate things with the new friends you've made like most other teenage boys. Plus, I'm fairly certain that now you are interested in girls more your type. But this year, I can't help but focus on your good qualities. I have classes with you again. I always feel like you're watching me, although I'm 100% sure you aren't. I think it's just a bit of my insecurity, not wanting you to think, "I can't believe I ever liked her." And I hear you in the back of class in 3rd and 5th period, and the truth is, you're funny. You always have been, and I have to stop myself from laughing at your clever comments. You've got a likable personality, and you make people smile. I know that you're not near as perfect as the fantasy version I've built up of you in my head over the years, but I can't make myself get over you. I've told my friends, "oh yeah, I don't like him anymore." I told myself that, too. I tried to convince myself that I was over you, I really did. But the little voice inside me says, "he'll change. He'll mature. You might have a chance with him." But I know with all my heart this isn't true. Nothing works. Next year, we'll be separated. I'll be off to a different school. I suppose then, a while after you've left, I'll get over you. But I don't have hard feelings towards you. I will remember you as the first person who's ever been romantically interested in me and saw past my physical appearance and liked me for my personality, so I appreciate you. I don't know exactly when I'll get over you, but I needed to get this out of my head, because it's been there for too long and I don't have anyone to tell.Maybe for other people, this will sound insignificant. "A boy liked you? Wow, nice. That happens. Now move on with your life." But for me, that had never happened before and will not be happening again anytime soon. My mind couldn't comprehend why someone would like me, and it still can't.To adults, this will sound stupid. "Young love," they'll say, brushing it off. To readers, this will sound pathetic and most likely cringe-worthy. But the truth is, you were a significant part of my life, and I thank you for boosting my self esteem a little bit by being a nice person and seeing me by what's inside. Maybe there's hope for my future after all.Now, with all due respect, please get out of my heart (did that sound rude? Sorry)Thanks, Anonymous

  ❤💚💛💙💜 

 It's not pathetic at all, but you can do this!

I know I haven't updated in a while, and thank you for sending this in!!

..eww, that probably made zero sense.