The Scroll of Knowledge

Chapter 26

She pulled away from him once they were through and fell on her knees on the grass.

"Shay?"

"I wanted to know why. Why did they leave me? I don't understand. I just don't get it." She wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand. "What was so wrong with me that they couldn't even stand to visit or call or even send a letter? I don't get it."

Thomas knelt in front of her and wrapped his arms around her. She didn't respond. Cold tears fell on his shoulder.

"I hate them. I hate them so much."

Thomas rubbed her back.

"If they didn't want me, why couldn't they just give me to someone who did? Why did they let Samuel lock me up and train me like an animal? Why did they take me away from Denny and Leroy? Just why? What was so wrong with me? You should have let them answer. I could have fixed it. I could have changed. They never gave me a chance and I don't know why."

"Shay, you know what my specialties are," Thomas said. "If an answer is what you want, then that is what I will get you by any means necessary. They problem was that you were very close to destroying everything and everyone around us. You would have regretted that later."

"They're my parents, Thomas. In the movies, parents are always supportive and kind. They're supposed to kiss you when you cry and put you to bed at night. Why did mine lock me in a room by myself, forbid anyone from touching me, and isolate me to the point where I still panic when I'm in public and I'm separated from someone I know. I never even got to hold a rabbit until I was almost an adult. You were the first person to hug me in sixteen years and the first person to ever watch a movie with me, or tuck me in at night. Why are you more of a parent to me than them?"

"Uh, Shay, that isn't something I want to hear," Thomas said.

"Sorry. I shouldn't be venting to you," Shay said. She tried to pull away. He held onto her.

"I'm sorry. That isn't what I meant. I love it when you vent to me. I rarely ever know what's going on in your head. It was the part about me being a parent to you that I found uncomfortable," Thomas said. "You can tell me more. Tell me everything. Tell me what it was like for you all those years. Tell me what you hated. Tell me what you did for fun before you got the TV. Did you often have nightmares? Please tell me that Nina at least shared your birthday with you."

"No she didn't," Shay said softly. "I've always hated birthdays. Seeing how it was celebrated in movies and then left to eat my cake alone was depressing."

"Guess I didn't help with that much," Thomas said, remembering her twenty-second birthday, the first one he'd spent with her.

"That was my fault. I kissed you before you were ready. I shouldn't have done that. The evening was going so well until I did that," Shay said.

"Oh, I enjoyed the kiss. It wasn't you. My guilt is what killed the moment," Thomas said. Not to mention the fact that he ended up running away and leaving her to eat her cake alone that day.

"Even you left me," she said softly. "You were standing right in front of me but I couldn't touch you." It felt like she'd stabbed him in the chest.

"I should have put it in my wedding vows, 'No more bad birthdays'."

"You never enjoyed them either," Shay said. Thomas remembered back to his younger years. Either no one remembered or the wrong people remembered. Both were bad for him.

"I didn't have you to share them with. That's what made them bad," he said.

"That was terrible, Thomas."

They didn't say anything for a bit.

"I don't want children," Shay said.

"Didn't you see a future where we were happy?"

"Yes but I don't want that future."

Thomas let out a relieved sigh. "That's good. I don't want any either, I just didn't know how to bring it up. I thought it was because we would have to reverse whatever Samuel did to you, not something that you chose for yourself. I like it being just the two of us. I don't want to share."

"I don't think I can handle that responsibility. I don't want that responsibility. I never want to know why a parent would make the decisions mine did," she said. "I saw how happy you were in that vision and I considered it but I'm certain now. I don't want any children even though I know it would make you happy. I only considered it because you would be happy and... I don't want you to leave me."

"Shay, I never married you with the intention of having children. It only crossed my mind months after our wedding and I immediately threw it out. Even if we both decide this marriage thing won't work out, all that will happen is that I will go back to being your servant and shadow. If you get remarried, it will have to be a three-way wedding and if you decide to kill me to get rid of me, I'll haunt you as a ghost."

"What the hell, Thomas?"

"My vow still stands. Regardless of what happens, I will not break my it. No matter what you decide, I will be there, and I will support you. You have my word. You can wonder about anyone else's loyalty, but never wonder about mine."

Shay was silent for a few moments after that statement.

"You're writing another song in your head aren't you?" she asked.

"I'm a song writer. I'm always writing songs in my head."

"I don't understand how you remained single long enough for me to meet you."

"I can think of a few reasons," Thomas said, remembering his younger days. "Thomas didn't always exist. Junaid wasn't a nice guy."

She wrapped her arms around his waist. "I'm just glad I got to meet you. You were my first friend and only love and for that I will always be grateful."

Thomas felt himself heating up. "Um, so Dennis was really happy to see you."

"We were very close. He cried for days after I was gone and his crying made Leroy cry," Shay said. "I want to see them again. I hope he isn't crying. He's probably worried about me."

"I'll put it on our list of things to do, after our anniversary of course."
"Of course."