I'm super giddy right now and I don't know why, today has been a whirlwind of emotions for me (I swear I've become bipolar but only today or something). I was sobbing like 2 hours ago and an hour before that I couldn't breathe b/c anxiety, but now I'm super bubbly and sappy and happy about life and all gushy and shit. Also exhausted. Still happy tho.
Mostly about @KxnqForADay . Idk why, nothing new has happened, but it's just one of those moments when you're just happy to exist. I'm just so grateful to be able to be hers (even though technically we aren't even dating oy what a mess).
Every individual, I feel like, has their own special person. Like that one person they're closest to, can't live without, know like the back of their hand, and are so familiar with them it's as if they're you, an extension of yourself. They're comforting and you never get tired of them and so much more. Some have already met their person, others have yet to find theirs.
I'm 104% positive I've already met mine. Her name is Ella and im so happy that she plays a major part in my life even if we never get to see each other. I don't even know what the point of this post is, except I'm having exceptionally strange mood swings and I need sleep and at the moment i think this is a good idea. By the time I post this it'll be morning lol and probably will be wondering what the heck i was doing.
Ella is amazing. She's so beautiful. She's gone through so much and even though I miss her I am so happy that she's at a new school with real friends unlike her old fake ones at my school, the one she used to go to. I'm so proud of her...she struggled a lot and now she's healthy and has come so far.
We dated off and on. I was a really bad gf/bf (idfk what I am let's just say I'm genderfluid) and im not proud of it. I cheated on Ella with a girl I didn't even have feelings for and I had a tendency to be manipulative and play games. Despite the fact that I fucked up big time in a lot of different ways, Ella somehow forgave me. It was pretty rough for a while and we went through another really bad breakup and a lot of anger and bad vibes afterwards but we worked things out and I think it's quite safe to say everything is much better now.
I'm just so grateful for this wonderful girl. Even the girl that I cheated on Ella with finally admitted that Ella and I were great for each other now that we were both much healthier, and she noted how I had been much happier the past couple of weeks and what a difference it was, b/c of Ella. She even went so far as to call us cute.
I just adore this girl so much. I wish I went to her school; I'd be able to hug and kiss her and cuddle her and tell her how much she means to me. I love this girl more than anything. We understand each other and we're very close. I feel closer to her than anyone and I hope she feels the same way. We joke around all the time and she just makes me smile, she always brightens my day. I only want her, no one else, and in the past half year I've changed a lot as a person, for the better I think.
I'm not the arrogant cheater I was then. I still struggle with other stuff but it's gotten easier to bear so I'm not so unhealthy to be around anymore.
She's so gorgeous and she doesn't even know it. Or she doesn't believe me. I can't even describe her eyes. They're a bluish greenish mix and it's so. Gosh. Dang. Pretty. I'm such a slut for her eyes like gawd. And she has perfect lips (that sounds rly weird but it's not). Her hair is rly soft too (but it doesn't taste like cotton candy. It really looked like itd taste like cotton candy but it didnt ;-; Don't ask why I know this lmao im so weird) and like holding her hand was more magical than hand holding should be just because it was her (Jesus christ I'm such a fucking sap/hopeless romantic and cheesy af I hate it good lord)
She has actually helped me so much with so much stuff too. She's always been supportive and kind and just herself, no matter what I was going through. I can confidently say that if she hadn't been there, there's a good chance I wouldn't be writing this. She accepts whatever the hell I am and is the only person I can be completely myself to.
She makes me so happy, she makes me glad that I put down the pills I was so ready to take multiple times. I just fucking love her, god, and she's so hot. Freaking hot like 0.0 I'm spooped I was reading these zodiac things (I love reading those things idk) and I came across this and was like "Damn haha yes" (im a Pisces):
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Our relationship was rocky and awkward and shy at first. It took me the second time around we started dating again to hold her hand like geez we were so awkward and shy that we couldn't even hold hands lmao. But now let me tell you it's not like that anymore, and ohmy the list of things I would like to do with that girl or have her do to me is...... well , I'll just say it'll be a fun time ;) (especially if she lets handcuffs get involved ehehe)
She pm'ed me and was talking about her Christmas tree being small or something and told me how she thought "Oh well when we're married we can get a bigger tree" and then got spooped by her thought process lol. I get spooped by my thoughts too haha and it may sound crazy that I don't think that's crazy but ah whatever.
Ever since like summer going into freshman year (im a sophomore now) I imagined a future with this wonderful girl. I still do, and if she wants to get married in the future then gosh darnit that's what we'll do. We'll have a wedding with slutty tuxedos and slutty wedding dresses and inflatable t-Rex costumes (she's the only one who'll get this lmao). And also dandelions that we said we'd dye black b/c we're that fucking emo. Remember the dandelions? If anything heck we'll just get engaged so we can do the free cake tasting
Ack I sound cringy and maybe slightly bonkers okay *hides in a hole*
Geez I've typed so much I'm not even sorry tho Tbh I love bragging about Ella cause she's fucking amazing and I could go on and on bout her but this isn't a Leo Tolstoy novel that has like 7488299385857 pages so ill wrap it up hopefully. (BTW don't read War and Peace. Or Anna Karenina. Ughhhhh they're so long and dry) (ok that sounded weird whoops)
I highly doubt anyone but Ella will actually read this through to the end but if you did goddamn props to you my friend. Idek what this is tbh
If anyone reading this has found their Ella, good for you!! Don't let them go. And if anyone reading this hasn't found their Ella yet, then keep looking you'll find him/her/them, they're out there. I'm just so lucky I already found her. She waltzed into my life when I was 13 and I refuse to let her out of my life
You hear that Ella?
I REFUSE.
SO THERE.
HA HA
well okay I'm done now xD.
Bye, whoevers reading this, bye babygirl cause I know you will be reading this, I love you ♡
KIND OF SIGNIFICANT SIDE NOTE:
(You should be mine again swear to god I won't fuck it up this time)
(No I'm not officially asking you out lowkey)
(Okay f i n e yes I am)
(im too pan/gay to not be with you)
(god you're like drugs I think i'm addicted I need to go to Ella rehab before I accidentally on purpose overdose on you LMAO what)
