Critique Care is a "friendly" facility accepting a wide variety of English and Tagalog books (eroticism, suicide, LGBT, etc.) as its patient, for them to look unto and check if they are healthy enough to be read or not. It also provides the best med...
The diagnosis is only based on my perspective. Forgive me for I might be blatant with my words. Whatever the result of your critique may be, use this as a stepping stone in your writing experience.
Title Changing it into something less plain would capture more readers. I also don't see a connection between the plot and title.
Cover
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Subtitle's a blur, but the coloring of the edit correlates with the font of title. They were edited in a satisfying manner.
Genre No problem here.
Blurb/Summary
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Did you make that poem? It was good except for a few grammatical slips on it.
And the moonlight brights the town You have to put an s after an action verb if the noun referring to it is singular.
Can wounds be healed? Adding the word will after wounds would make the interrogative sentence a declarative one.
You fed me with questions, but I didn't feel any uprising suspense in your blurb. I suggest using an analogy about scratches to cancel out the cliché ambience of the whole thing.
Plot An modernized version of Beauty and the Beast.
Content Prologue is surprisingly interesting!
Transitions of scenes to scenes are not jumpy. Capitalization of the first word in a transitional paragraph is a good writing style.
Scenes are fast too. I would suggest to slow the speed a bit, but not a big turn-off. It actually made me want to read your book more.
Characterization Miracle and Drake displayed a possible romantic relationship in this story, obviously. It was quite questionable that Miracle was that naive to trust Drake in an instant. When in turn, Drake is just a stranger he knew through eye contact. That's the problem with speedy-phased stories. Masyadong pilit ang emotions na parang minadali lang. Drake is your typical cold yet sweet guy.
Dialogue
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Smooth and realistic flow of dialogues. Except for the part wherein Drake explained what exactly happened to him. You could've just used a flashback for that long explanation; I'll feel the story more.
Point of view First person is the easiest POV and you handled it well.
Show versus tell You wrote scenes without spoon feeding me with a surmount of details. Enough for me to imagine them.
Technicalities The usage of the words ng and nang. At one point in a Filipino writer's experience, we all had a confusion between ng and nang. Ng is used to refer to a noun while nang is used to refer to and adverb or verb.
Naginbita NG bisita si... NANG bumisita siya sa bahay namin...
Verb tenses tend to shift. The usual and recommended tense used in writing novels is in past tense. Well, past and present have their own pros and cons, but you're free to use whatever type of tense you want as long as you stick with only one type.
Redundancy of thoughts and words are also present but minimal.
Overall I don't normally do this and I'm surprise with this as well but giving you a one. Your book is healthy enough to be read. Although thinking of a plot twist is not your forte, you nailed it with your execution. Bawing-bawi! Oh, and please don't stick with the title and blurb if you want your story to have a brighter future.
Hey there, Mishimishiya! I honestly enjoyed reading your book to the point that I felt like I wasn't critiquing it anymore. Very sorry if this critique took a long time before posting it. Ask me anything regarding this. Let's both have a great night while counting down for Christmas!
PS: Alam niyo na siguro timpla ko. Usually kapag mahaba critique ko, ibig sabihin dami tinatama, pero 'pag hindi, expect na mataas bigay ko sa inyo.
