Not Sure If You're A Boy or A Girl~ Reddie

Confused Confessions

Emily Faith Kaspbrak. The name played over and over in Eddie's head. It'd been a rough day between the meatheads, that ugly word that left Rich's beautiful face and coming home to Sonia Kaspbrak.
His mother had been waiting for him in the living room, carefully painting her pudgy nails a powder pink. Eddie'd seen pictures of his mother at his age now. They looked similar except his Mom had embraced her estrogen. She'd been thin with an hourglass figure and long silky hair. Her make up was flawless, outfits too.
>When you were born EmmyBear you took all my beauty with you. Don't let it go to waste<
Eddie would give it all back to have a penis.
She'd had a new prescription for him to take. She waited until he took it to tell him it was for his attitude. He'd just been so glum lately. This was a little boost. Low dosage, just to take the edge off. He waited until her attention was focused back on her nails to run up to his bathroom and vomit. He wouldn't be drugged into submission again.
So now he stared at the wall in his room letting his birth name carve deeper and deeper cuts into his mind. He had two channels of thought available to him in that moment- his birth name or Richie Tozier. He wasn't too keen on the latter.
He looked over at the clock- 2207- it had been four hours of staring into nothing. His mother never called him down for dinner. She probably assumed he'd be sleeping off his new pill which was fine. Purging never left him with much of an appetite.
Eddie was just about to call it a night and cry himself to sleep when he heard a light tap at his window. He ventured closer, ignoring the visceral response in his body telling him to not to. He almost ran back when he saw a face peer back at him until he recognized the massive glasses. He slid open the window with force.
"What the fuck, Tozier!? You scared the shit outta me."
In his nightmares there was always a diseased Lepper either dragging him through the floor boards or out a window to his demise. He and Rich had tried to figure out what it meant but ultimately shrugged it off as an anxiety dream. Eddie was a little hurt Richie didn't remember it and try a different way to get in but then again he couldn't exactly waltz in the front door. His Mom didn't like any of his friends, but had a specific distaste for Richard.
"Sorry, I just needed to talk to you," Rich grunted as he squeezed through the window. This was a lot easier before he got that last growth spurt, " I needed to apologize for what I said."
Eddie felt his face getting hotter as he looked at the desperate out of breath boy before him, his mouth slightly parted, chest heaving and brows pulled upward in concern.
~Why does he have to be so fucking cute?~
"Don't. It's ok.. I've just been really sensitive lately with this whole half coming out thing."
He took a seat on the edge of his lavender sheeted bed and ran his fingers trough his greasy locks. Richie tentatively followed suit. When he said half did he mean because not everyone knew or because he was attracted to men? Rich's heart sped up at the thought of a gay Eddie.
"No it was shitty of me Eds. I was just so mad at him for touching you," he stopped terrified of what he was about to say next, "I guess I felt safe saying it because I know I'm not," he looked at Eddie who was doing that new fucking thing he does where he doesn't really look at you, but kind of glances through the side of his eyes. It was annoying and adorable all at the same time," I'm not as straight as I could be."
There was a heavy silence between the two and all Rich could think was this was a mistake. He should've kept his trap shut. He just admitted to being at the very least bisexual and Eddie was burning holes in his carpet with his eyes. Every cell in his body instructed him to leave then, understanding the last ten minutes of his life to be a horrible error in judgement. Just as he was about to force his legs up, Eddie placed a delicate hand on top of his, actually looking into his eyes.
"Are you saying you're gay?"
He looked excited, his pink lips curving into a shy smile. Rich stared at the boy beaming before him.
"Uhm, not like completely," he racked his brain trying to figure out how to reveal his feelings, "I mean I find girls and guys attractive. And I just feel like sexuality shouldn't be placed in little boxes, ya know?"
The weird stillness returned. Richie being the one to break it this time.
"My point is, what I said was wrong. I'm really sorry Eds for making you uncomfortable."
He got up to leave, but Eddie called out to him.
"Rich! Wait!"
Eddie bit the side of his lip while he picked nervously at the hole in his jeans.
"Are you alone tonight?"
They both knew he wasn't, but just in a very strict definition of the word. Eddie meant would he just be sitting up in his room trying to pretend he was somewhere else. A game Eddie knew as well. Technically , Mrs Tozier was there. She would be on the couch passed out and drooling into a bag of potato chips. She'd be surrounded by empty pill boxes and crushed out cigarettes. She'd be of no real company. His father, on the other hand, wouldn't  have the courtesy to even be there. He'd be out, probably at a motel with his 'business partner'.
"Yeah, yeah I am."
"Why don't you stay here? Like you used to? I managed to find another copy of Diamond Dogs downtown last week. We could turn out the lights and listen to it."
Just like they used to. Whenever Rich would sneak over and they'd either put on David Bowie or Queen to fall asleep to. Rich loved Diamond Dogs, it was his favorite album. Something about the opening song 'Future Legend' it was so foreign and nostalgic all at once. Eddie liked it too but his top pick was Queen's A Night At The Opera. A couple months before Rich and Eddie had abandoned their nightly ritual his Mother found his Bowie album. She was horrified by the cover, Bowie with his signature bright red locks and a body that slowly morphed into that of a dogs. There was a fight ending in his mother bruising his cheek and cracking the album in half.
"Yeah, ok," Rich smiled, walking back over to the small boy and reclaiming his seat, "I'll reschedule with your Mom."