heart on your sleeve

i.

A/N: based on chase atlantic's 'swim' (seriously a dope song)

this is a bad!girl camila + innocent lauren fic x

tw: brief mentions of child abuse/ drug use/ self-loathing/ homophobic slur. A pretty heavy fic, but I kinda poured my heart into this?? surprising to me actually, this fic is pretty close to me.

this story will have three parts that are basically already written, they'll  be posted soon after the next addicted chap (a long update for Christmas) same with solis to my luna getting another chap (: hope u all are well, yall are the best really x

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                                                                   maybe we are a generation of romantics, violent stirrings and cannibal hearts . but i don't think thats a weakness, we feel it all. 

- rachel wolchin

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Camila never asked to be rich.

She knows, she gets it, she does. Why the fuck would you not want to be rich, why would you take something like that for granted? Why throw it all away when others starve and beg to even have a fraction of what you have?

Those thoughts make her head hurt, so she rephrases it in her diary; underlined in bold letters.

I never asked to have rich parents. Someone better deserves the life I have.

Because rich parents means busy parents, rich important mothers and fathers means being raised by three nannies her entire life and never getting to hug her mother. Or kiss her father's cheek. Or laugh while they taught her how to ride a bike.

It means learning her first language, Spanish, from a white teacher from California, not her own mother as they cook meals and laugh at stupid jokes.

Rich parents means un-loved in Camila's case. It means thrown away and used as a mantel piece, something to be shown off when others come around.

I don't know, she writes. Sometimes I think my problem is not having any friends.

There's that too.

Don't be friends with rich kid Camila they say. Don't talk to her, don't breathe the same air as her, she'll just look at you like you're worthless.

She never has. She never ever has looked down at anyone in her entire life; her parents do it. And she never wants to be her parents.

She has one friend though.

Lauren.

And Lauren's nice.

Camila likes Lauren.

Sometimes, Camila might even think she loves her.

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A lot of images go through people's minds when they think of Karla Camila Cabello Estrabao.

Prissy rich girl. Owns like, five IPhone's. A giant bedroom. A pool to herself.

(Some of them are true, but she sleeps in the nanny's house out the back behind her mansion of a house because its warm and makes her feel normal and sane and safe)

People think of short skirts and braided hair and pearl earrings when they think of Camila. Like a doll, porcelain and breakable.

But Camila likes leather. She likes high waisted jeans and boots and she likes the above description more on other girls than herself.