Letters to Jonghyun brother

Letter 3

Jonghyung oppa...
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry we couldn't realize how you were feeling sooner. Gosh, I'm sorry we couldn't realize that even though you always made everyone happy, you couldn't make yourself feel this way. I'm guessing you always tried to cheer others up in hopes they wouldn't feel like you did. You were leaving clues all along and I wish we weren't so blind not to see them when it was more than obvious that you struggled so much with what you had. I'm sorry Jjong.

You are such a talented man... probably one of the most beautiful, raw voices I have ever heard. Your talent is just natural.
I remember the moment I got into SHINee, I absolutely fell in love with you. With that beautiful smile of yours, your charisma, the way you acted, your jokes, your love for your fans, your talent.I sometimes think about the whole Listerine situation, where you would compare your outfits to Listerine colors, and I just laugh. You were such an adorable dork.
Quite frankly, that's how I want to think about you forever. I want to remember you for the fun moments with you. When I think about you in the future I want to remember you with a smile, and with true happiness. Because I know that's what you would want for us... and it's what you deserve. You deserve to be remembered for the charismatic guy you always were, and for beautiful your smile, AND your jokes, AND the way you acted, AND your love for your fans, and above all, for your amazing talent.

It's just that, for now... I can't. When I grab my phone or whatever, the first thing I do is listen to your music (I've been particularly obsessed with your cover of "Y Si Fuera Ella", you are so goddamn talented. I love your voice. Just wow), when I go into Instagram, I just look at your profile and wish you posted something new, but I have to reassure myself once again that you're not here anymore... I keep seeing posts about you everywhere, and I just... I break down. I miss you so much. I will always have this thought of guilt somehow because I never got to meet you. When I got into kpop, you were probably my first love. I always wished that maybe someday, I would get to see you in person. But I understand, oppa. You weren't okay. I just wish it all didn't make me so sad right now. As I said, I want to remember you with a smile... But I can't stop crying for you. I guess I'm working on it, though. I've finally come to the point where I can accept the fact that you are not here.
You were strong enough to hold it all these years, and to keep on living and bringing hope, love, and happiness to all Shawols out there. I'm proud of you for having the strenght to fight just a bit more, and even though I miss you, I just hope you're finally happy my love. I hope the one smiling now is you. I know that wherever your spirit is, you are happy, finally feeling that whole weight off of your shoulders. You deserve to be in peace for once.
I don't know what else to say other than...
I love you, Jonghyun.
I will never stop missing you. You have become a huge part of my life and you always will be.
You were enough. You were more than enough. Please never think otherwise.
Again, I love you.
You did well, Jonghyun.

-Nvnk.