On The Edge Of Extinction

Chapter One

Trigger warning: Depression

September 5, 11:10 pm

I shoved my hands into the pockets of my jacket. It really was cold tonight.

I was shoving through crowds of people, frantic to keep up with my sister, Isabelle, and best friend, Jace. Bright lights flashed around us, and people were chatting and yelling. Times Square always gave me a headache, and I don't know why Isabelle thought it was a good idea to come here on a Saturday night.

I sidestepped a mother holding hands with two little girls and quickened my pace to catch up with my companions. Shivering, I crossed my arms over my chest.

Times Square was a place full of life, yet I still managed to feel hollow.

"Cold, Alec?" Jace asked me, grinning. "If we can find a taxi, maybe we can get out of here."

Isabelle sighed. She looked especially cold tonight in her short red dress that she'd paired with black boots and a leather jacket. "September isn't supposed to be this cold."

"It was your idea to go out," I reminded her.

She glared at me. "Shut up. I needed a distraction, and coming here seemed like a good idea at the time."

Isabelle had recently gotten dumped by her boyfriend of seven months. She was really upset about losing Meliorn, and I tried to be supportive, though I was dealing with problems of my own at the same time.

Jace shrugged his shoulders. "I had fun."

"You just had fun flirting with the girl who was sitting at the table next to us," I said. He smiled. "Yeah, but she didn't even seem into me."

Isabelle gasped in mock surprise. "What's this? A girl who's not into Jace Herondale?"

He rolled his eyes. "Shut up, Izzy." My sister just smiled.

Finally, we hailed a taxi and piled in. Instantly, Isabelle whipped out a makeup mirror and began touching up her lipstick. Jace stared out the window. Somehow, I'd gotten caught sitting in between the two, so I just stared at my feet awkwardly. I really wished I had my earbuds with me.

I glanced at the driver. He looked to be a year older than me and had wild black hair. I could only see part of his face, but I could tell he was wearing a lot of eye makeup. A lot of very glittery eye makeup. He was kind of hot.

He met my eye and winked. Heat rushed to my face. I broke eye contact. I hoped I wasn't blushing too badly.

. . . .

The taxi driver dropped Jace off first, then took Isabelle and I home. I snuck a final look at him before I got out of the taxi. He smiled at me, and I noticed the tips of his hair were dyed blue and pink.

The cab sped off. Isabelle and I entered our building and stepped inside the elevator.

"Alec, were you checking out that taxi driver?" Isabelle asked, a small smile appearing on her red lips.

I blushed and looked at the floor. "N-no. Why would you think that?"

I'd come out as homosexual about three years ago, back when I still had a crush on Jace. I got over him shortly after my parents began harassing me due to my sexuality.

Dad was awful. He called me horrible names and hit me when Isabelle and my younger brother Max, weren't around.

Mom was somehow worse. After I came out, she just stopped acknowledging me completely. She ignored me when I spoke to her and didn't pay attention to a single move I made.

Nobody at school knew. The only people who knew I was gay were my parents, Isabelle, Max, and Jace.

"Because you acted all flustered when he winked at you," Izzy told me with a smile. "You should've gotten his phone number."

I shrugged and stared at the wall, shoving my hands into my pockets. It wasn't like it mattered anyways. I was never going to get a boyfriend, or get married. I would never raise children. I would never graduate high school, or age past nineteen.

Why?

Because I planned to kill myself in one week. Seven days. On my birthday.

I don't know why I wanted to do it then. It just felt like the right time.

I'd been depressed for three years, and been cutting for two. I didn't cut my arms or wrists because Isabelle and Jace would see, and I didn't want to worry them. They didn't know about my depression. Instead, I cut my stomach, chest, and thighs.

I knew it was wrong. I didn't care. When I wasn't feeling sad, anxious, or guilty, I felt empty. When I felt empty, I cut. When I felt pain, at least I was feeling something.

"Your birthday's in a week after tonight," Isabelle said. "Are you excited?"

I shrugged. "I guess." It was the day I'd kill myself. Of course I was ready for it to arrive.

The elevator doors opened. We entered the hallways, and entered our loft from there.

Isabelle checked the time on her phone. "It's already 11:30. I'm going to get ready for bed."

She turned the corner and entered her bedroom. I followed her lead and went into mine.

My room was dark. I switched on the lamp. I changed into my pajamas and then went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and use the restroom. After that, I walked to the window and pulled open the curtains and stared down at Manhattan.

The city was alive with lights. I could hear the buzz of cars and people even though I was inside. I knew I had no part of it.

I yanked the curtains shut. I switched off my lamp and collapsed onto my bed.

I was tired.

I was really, really tired.

I shut my eyes, but thoughts were nagging at my brain. I wanted to sleep, but my demons wouldn't leave me alone.

I don't know how long I lay there, shifting positions to get comfortable. When I glanced at my alarm clock again, it read 1:22 am.

Finally, sleep took me, treating me to glorious dreams of death.