7.5 Billion. That is the number of people on this planet. That's a massive number. 7,500,000,000. Damn. With this many people how am I supposed to be recognized? That may seem like a conceded thought but bear with me. Do you know who your great great grandma's sister was? If you're part of the majority, you're probably thinking "no, how the heck does this pertain to the conversation?" Well for me I hate the often overlooked fact that unless you're an impactful world leader or have some great contribution to society, we are all left decaying underneath a headstone that no one visits. The next time you pass your local cemetery, just think about how many of those headstones get visited on a yearly basis. It's eye opening. So I digress, of course you wouldn't know your great great grandma's sister's name, because in the overall scheme of things, she didn't matter (no dirt on you Susan, but you had 5 cats and diabetes). The world barely batted an eye when this hypothetical sister died. So what exactly is stopping me from repeating this process? That's where I am right now. I've opened up this concept and now it's eating me whole. And trust me I have no problem with death because I know and have seen that there are worse things than death (cliche cliche get to the point). So currently I'm at a loss. It seems like every path I could take, it leaves me unremembered. I have played with the thought of becoming a president, but that's only 4-8 years of my life. Many optimistic people (they claim to be realists but let's be honest) say that they would trade success for family any day and that fulfillment won't come from being remembered. Well I say that they have different values and choose to turn a blind eye to this existential problem. I know I think differently than other people, maybe it was the way I was raised, or maybe everyone had this crisis already I don't know, but I strive for contentment and remembrance and I demand for myself to be remembered which you can probably imagine gets to you. Sitting around doing nothing is a prison for me. I get thoughts of "why aren't you doing something impactful" "just make a move already" and not going to lie here, those thoughts are hard to deal with. Even writing this seems like a waste of time. Everything I do just seems like filler until I die. Like life is an Oreo cookie it's all boring cream until you hit the cookie (if you're a cream person leave, because we all know that the cream sucks by itself, you got to have that cookie to make it edible) The bottom line for me is I don't want to end up like Susan, alone and unhappy with 5 cats that may or may not eat her dead body when she dies in her sleep. And with that I leave you and I'm so sorry if I just caused you to go to therapy, I've had friends tell me that were happy before they talked to me later to be depressed after I poured this onto them. You're welcome. ;)
I'm sorry is this is incoherent and hard to follow, I am fully open to criticism just leave a comment. Maybe I'll see it and improve my writing who knows. Thanks and don't be a Susan!
