Harris J - not as it seems😕

17- Confessions Part2

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Harris' pov

I needed a moment to contain myself. I walked out of the room and cried. I needed to show them I wasn't weak. I wiped my tears then walked back in. I sat back down next to Dina.

"Why didn't you tell me" she sighed looking at me.

"I couldn't. No-one knows about this. Apart from my family. I wasn't ready to tell you." I replied.

"How did your mum and dad feel about it?" She asked heartbroken.

"My mum is still hurt to this day she just doesnt show it. My dad coped well. Unfortunately the same couldn't be said for me. When I was 14 I fell into drugs. I was friends with some dodgy people and they made me try it once. When I had it I felt different. I felt as though all the hurt had gone. The anger had gone. It made me feel lighter. Happier." I explained, becoming angry with myself.

"Harris do you feel like you are responsible for Omars death?" The therapist asked me. 

"I blame myself all the time. If I hadn't have taken his ball he would've never ran after me and he would've never have been.." I couldn't finish my sentence. If I did I knew id break down. Dina looked at me wanting to reach out to me. 

"Do you visit his grave?" The therapist asked.

"No, hes buried in Bolton. Outside of London where we used to live. Its too far to visit and its too hard for me to know that he's there. It makes it worse thinking about him" I stared into space. Thinking about him laying there.  I felt my eyes water. The therapist sensed it would be better if she left.

"Ill leave you two alone. Harris well continue this tommrowo" She said as she shook both of our hands and closed the door behind her. I looked at Dina and saw her in tears. 

"Don't ever blame yourself, It wasn't your fault. If  its meant to be its meant to be, its all a part of gods plan. He's up in heaven now, in a good place. In fact the best place to be." She cried holding my hand.

"I feel like its unfair. He was older than me but I managed to outlive him." I sighed feeling hurt

"You don't understand. I visualise it all the time. The car. The flashing lights. The scream. The ambulance. The hospital. The news that he was gone. Gone forever."

"Listen, you need to understand that if God wills it. It will happen. Allah had written for him to die on that day. Thats it. You cant argue with that baby. I know its hard and I know your hurting. The best thing you can do is remember the memories you had together and hope that one day inshallah Allah grants you the same place in Jannah. Next to him." She cried.

"Thats what Im doing this for. To not be dependant on drugs and instead learn to cope. Im working on it. For you girl" I said as I wiped the tear that trickled down her face. "Its fine. Im fine."

"No your not" She said looking at me.

"Im learning to be. Just a bit longer then I'm out of here, and I'll be better." I said. "Come here." I slid my arms around her waist, I kissed her neck softly and held her tightly towards me. I knew she had to go now. She was only meant to come in for a meeting and now we had leave as they needed the room for the next session. I tried letting go and she clinged on to me. 

"Deans you have to let go" I laughed, "Don't worry gorgeous Ill be home soon" 

"Promise?" She said looking up at me.

"I promise" I said assuringly.  She let go of me and I walked her to the reception, hand in hand. I whispered in her ear "I love you" 

She let go of my hand and smiled back at me. She walked out of the centre and I walked back into my room. I felt better now that I had told her however no matter how long its been, there are times when it suddenly becomes harder to breathe. I looked out of my window. It was already dark.

 3 weeks 

21 days 

504 hours 

Then Im out. And happy. Inshallah.

THAT WAS A SHORT CHAPTER SOWWY IT WAS JUST CONTINUING ON FROM YESTERDAYYY. TYSM FOR 995 VEIWSSS❤️ VOTE IF YOU LIKE IT AND COMMENT IF YOU LOVE IT X