Quiet Lauren/You

22

Dear people sometimes it's just an end and not the end

-Like the last is not automatically the least

Lauren Pov.

After eating with Y/MN we laid down on Y/Ns bed to cuddle. Now my head is still resting on her chest while her arms are loosely slung around my body. She seems so peaceful but yet I still can't get over the feeling from earlier. The feeling that this will blow up in the future. In the near future. And for Y/Ns sake I kind of hope that it's soon. She shouldn't have to suffer. She had let me in and now...now I'm laying in the arms of my lover...my girlfriend...and think about how we just aren't meant to be.

There is a quote from the book the upside of unrequited that fits perfectly here just not the good way.

"I don't entirely understand how anyone gets a boyfriend. Or a girlfriend. It just seems like the most impossible odds. You have to have a crush on the exact right person at the exact right moment. And they have to like you back. A perfect alignment of feelings and circumstances. It's almost unfathomable that it happens as often as it does."

We are in love. Maybe we are the right people who should end up together. But the timing is definitely horrible. But maybe we are meant to be together to learn and not to last.

Wait! Why am I thinking about that?! Why do I think of not staying with her?! Why do I believe in us breaking up?! Why? Why? Why! I love her. She loves me. We figure out the rest. I am strong for her and she tries to, too.

I close my eyes again. I feel Y/Ns chest rising when she inhales and sinking when she exhales. Her arms sometimes move a little and leave a trail of goose bumps on my skin. I feel safe. So safe.

Your Pov.

When I wake up Lauren somehow lays fully on top of me with her head buried in the crock of my neck. Her raven hair laying around her like it's floating underwater. Her shirt a little lifted up. Her legs beside mine.

I want to wake up to this site all the time.

I place a soft kiss on her neck. Move my one arm under her shirt and start drawing little circles with my fingertips.

This is what I want and need. I can't resist the feeling of this so my heart stays here until my mind will too.

Somehow I manage to start my music. At the moment PVRIS is on and I hum quietly to myself.

"Before you shut this down

I just wanna lift you up

I'll take all this love I found

And I hope that it's enough"

"I saw you, yeah you, you're breaking down" Lauren begins to sing. I don't even know what surprises me more. That Lauren sings, like she was asleep a few seconds ago or that her voice is so fucking perfect. "Your voice." I say in aw while Lauren slowly sinks back onto me whispering. "I know it's too raspy." "No, oh god no. It's perfect. It's like the angels are singing. No. You are better than them. Not like they are bad but your voice is so unique and." I stop and look down at Lauren. Her eyes are glossy and she looks up at me. "Nobody ever said something like this to me." "That can't be true. How would someone actually be able not to compliment you all the time? Like have you ever looked in the mirror. You are for sure not perfect. Nobody is but you are so damn close and for me you are."

Now Lauren is definitely crying. Her little sniffles. Tears running down her soft cheeks. But like even her sniffles sound kinda cute. I carefully unwrap myself from her. Make her sit up and position myself in front of her. I gently reach out to her face and cup it. Then I wipe her tears away with my thumps. "I love you. You matter and you are fucking perfect. Don't ever let anyone else tell you different." I say and lean my head against hers. Still cupping her face.

Laurens Pov.

I feeling down wasn't the only reason to cry and Y/N just...she was perfect...she is perfect and that's why I have to tell her.

"I love you too. But that's the problem." I release a shaky breath. "I want you to listen to me and to remember that I do love and care about you." "Okay." Y/N looks like a lost puppy but I just can't let her fool herself. "I feel like our love will destroy us in the end and that's why I think we have to go our separate ways. I love you and you love me. It's tragic. It really is. But I don't want us to go our separate ways after the tragedy happened. I want to safe us before we break down. I want to protect you from hurting and myself from falling into the black hole. I got a taste of it and suddenly I just knew...that we maybe are meant to be but not right now. Not now. Maybe later. Maybe never. And I knew that I have to tell you. You are doing great. You have progressed so much and I don't want you to go to the place you were before. I want you to explore the world. It's good and it's many bad sites. I want you to find the meaning of really being here. I want you to be free. I want to be free too and I also want to explore but we are searching for different things Y/N. You love me and I love you. That shouldn't have happened and I'm sorry it did. Somehow. It was so beautiful. Everything. From your breakdowns to mine but we can't find what we search if we stay together at this point. We will just destroy each other and we'll be left with a pain we can't handle and I don't want that. I want to look back at us saying. You probably were my first real love. Not my first love. Not my first girlfriend but the first one I thought they could be the one. And if it wasn't like this you were. But now we have to end this when we're good. We can stay friends if you want to. If it's not too crazy or uncomfortable for you. I love you and I will forever. Even when we're not together. Even when we're old. Even when I didn't see or heard of you for 30year I would still love you because you are my first real live and will forever be." I end.

Now with tears building in my eyes. Y/N looks at me shocked. "But why?" She asks and I just smile. "Because if we don't we'll be a perfect disaster. We already are. We don't see it clearly now but we will when it's too late." "That's your reason?" Y/N asks me again. "We are a perfect disaster waiting to be free." I simply say. "Babe." When Y/Ns eyes meet mine again she is crying and I am too. "One last kiss?" She asks with that shaky voice of hers. "For now." I correct and lean in.

Our lips move in sync. Our salty tears become one. And our hearts are finally free.