I just wanna let it all go. I'm done playing it safe. Freefalling sounds like my best option. Cutting, binging, suicide. It's all become one, no boundaries from on to the next. I hear others laughing and only cringe. Jealousy overtakes me. I can't remember what really laughing feels like, what a real smile on my lips tastes like. What is being happy like? Even just okay sounds good at this point. Jealousy once again shoots through my veins as I think of the girls who don't take the blade to their body, the girls who haven't starved themselves or vomited after eating, the girls who don't binge, the girls who don't feel death as their best option. Although I must admit being at this point where you don't care anymore is kind of nice. No more tears, no more emotions. Just solid pain and the cold blade against my exposed skin. People say I'm getting out of control, but it's only because I honestly don't care. This world and the things with it mean nothing to me. Hopefully by the end of the month I'll be skinny. Keeping my grades up is getting harder every week. I don't know how much longer I can hold up. The pain is too great. But you keep forgetting that I don't care. I'm done here. Who needs a life anyway? Death is the final destination. My destination.
