Chapter 1-Risk It All

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So, my name is Kaytlyn O'Brien and I've this huge decision to make. Do I move away from my life or start off new and have a fresh start? Well let me tell you the story. I've never had a troubled childhood but I didn't have a good one either. I currently live with my aunt, I'm irish and I live in Dublin. I have one sister and my dad has never been in the picture. Well, not exactly, one night my sister just got up and ran away and I haven't seen her since. I have spoken to her but she refuses to see me, but I might be seeing her soon. She said she couldn't handle our mam so that's why she left. So it's always been me and my mam, until everything changed. My mam's mood totally changed about me, shouting at me telling me to grow up, saying it's my fault my sister left and that I'm just a waste of space. I just ignored it thinking that she would just move on and recognise that it wasn't my fault.

I guess I was wrong. One night I came in late so I just ran up to my room so I wouldn't disturb her downstairs. Well she came in screaming at me and telling me to pack up and leave. I just ignored her as usual because I could smell the unforgettable scent of vodka off her breath with every hiss she slurred out. But she didn't take that in mind and she pulled me up by the hair and slapped me and wouldn't stop. I fell to my knees, left there in my room with a bloody lip and soon to be black eye. I still remember how venerable I felt, my eye vision becoming a blur. It wasn't because it hurt but because I never thought she would do that, hitting her own daughter. So that night I grabbed my overnight bag and threw the majority of my clothes in it and the necessary items for the night and my shoulder bag. I just ran to my aunt's that night and she welcomed me with opened arms. She didn't care, I doubt she recognised I left until my auntie told her where I was. That was two years ago and I haven't spoken to her since.

I'm still not over it, I know it's been two years but she was my mam. The person who I trusted with all my heart, my life and she broke that trust. I still can't allow people to physically touch me or be close me. I know it might be over the top to some people but you don't understand. Some old friends of mine didn't understand either so now they aren't in my life. I've very few friends now because of my mam and the other thing. I don't speak about that. I get uncomfortable everyone gets uncomfortable, my grandad never speaks about it and my aunt try's to get me to but I can't. We simply call it the 'bad day' whenever we decide to speak about it. I will one day but I can't now, I only ever speak to my friend Rachel. She is like my sister, my other half. She doesn't understand but she's there for me whenever I need her the most. She's another thing I'll have to leave behind.

I'm now 17 and I've this decision to make. My grandmother has just passed away over 2 months ago and she left me everything with the knowledge of what happened. So my decision, well I've always wanted to do this ever since I was little and now I have the money and I've just finished school so I couldn't think of a better time. Well, I can stay here with my aunt who took me in when I had no where else to go or I can move to London and live my childhood dream.

Don't get me wrong I do love my aunt and I would miss her so much and don't get me started about my grandad. He has been heartbroken since my grandmother has passed away but since I can remember he has always said to grab any chance I have for a successful future and to live my dream. I love my grandad. He is my rock, whenever I need a chat he is always there. I've always looked at him as a father figure. He has brought me up since I was little. He always brought me on so many holidays and he still does. That's why London is my dream destination. He took me there when I was 6 and I fell in love it all and we've been going back ever since.

It's now or never I guess. London or Dublin? Dream or family? I guess I just made up my mind.

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I just want to say that everything you are going to read is connected to experiences which happened in my life, personal things I've experienced. Obviously not everything you are going to read is true but some of this book will be based on my life so I'd like you to take that in mind. thanks x

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