Supervillain Stalker

5 || just clowning around

Skull stumbles dizzily beside me, his arm looped across Blade's shoulders. Clearly he hasn't quite healed from his wound.

"You shouldn't have come," Blade scolds as we lumber through the shallow water, sloshing our way towards a rusted ladder that leads up. "I told you to rest."

A choked chuckle leaves Skull's lips. "What would you have done without me? You blew your cover in order to appear cool. That's not a very wise move as a supervillain." We pause and I begin to ascend. "You know, arrogance is what gets you killed."

"Or a highly killed assassin," Blade retorts. I reach down for Skull's hand and heave him up once I've reached the top. "Who was that woman? The one who poisoned you?"

My ears perk at this question, my thoughts reeling back to that day when I picked up some Lucky Strikes off the floor. Turned out they weren't so lucky after all.

"Wanderer," Skull informs as he wriggles out onto the road. "Wand to her friends. She doesn't usually come after our sort. Somebody must have sent her."

Blade's smug head pokes up out of the ground like a meerkat. "Does that mean someone thinks we're strong enough to be worthy of murder?"

I shove his head and he hits the bone against the edge of the grate. "It means someone thinks you're annoying enough to kill. Big difference, dimwit."

"No one asked you Sparky," he retorts, poking his tongue out in my direction. I flip him the finger.

"Imbeciles," Skull breathes, exhausted irritation spread across his words. "Can we go now?"

I raise a finger, aiming it at Blade's heart. "Only after I've shish kebabbed Knifey's soul."

Narrowing his eyes, Blade crosses his arms across his chest, acting natural despite his clear intent to protect himself. "That's real cute, Sparky."

At this point, Skull is getting very impatient and would really like to go wherever he wants to go. So instead of putting up with our whining, he grabs Blade's wrist and drags him as many steps as he can manage in his frail state. Then, stopping there, he punches the sidekick across the face and looks back at me while the boy doubles over, coughing up blood.

"Happy now?" Skull demands, exasperated. I watch with a smirk, a strange twisted sensation in my stomach preventing me from speaking. "Good. We're going. Get home safe."

Hobbling away, the supervillain tries to escape, his right hand cupping his injury and his left hand stretched out for balance. Blade, still struggling to breathe, a droplet of scarlet dribbling from the corner of his mouth, sends me a fatal glare before jogging towards his boss. The two vanish over the other side of the hill and, like true gentlemen, leave me to work out where I am.

"Excuse me?" I call out, grabbing the arm of the person closest to me: a woman with about three feet more to her height than I do – and that's without heels.

Twisting to look me over, the woman squints at me like some kind of human crow. "Aren't you tha' gurl tha' got 'erself kidnapped by Wand'rer?"

Her words are heavily accented. I eye her with suspicious as her query grows meaning inside my mind. "Who wants to know?" I ask, knowing full well how cliché and cringey and idiotic that line is.

"Just one sec," the woman insists as she unzips her handbag and withdraws a multicoloured, rainbow-vomited clown wig. "There we go," she hums, unveiling a pair of sunglasses and some bright green lipstick too. "Nice to meet you. I'm Mary Jane."

MJ turns out to be a really nice gal (if you can get over her psycho fashion sense). She's not much older than me, attends Horto University, and she went to my high school when she was my age! I know! What're the chances?

Actually, I know them: 100 out of 100

Everyone who has lived in El Horto as a child has attended Horto High. Either that or they lived far far away at a boarding school – in which case they technically didn't live in El Horto. We were chatting away about the teachers while she was sharpening her meat cleaver. And oh you should have heard the banter we had while I was swinging upside down from the slaughter rack on the end of a thick metal chain. I mean, I'm pretty sure when this whole 'holding me hostage' thing is over we'll definitely hang out. No pun intended.

Although, to be honest I am getting a little tired of the fact that everyone seems to think Skull, Knifey and me are best buds. How many times do I have to electrocute them for people to get the picture?

"Hey MJ?" I call, the blood so heavy in my head that my voice sounds slower than it should.

"Yeah, darlin'?"

"How d'you know Skull and Knifey?" I ask.

MJ pauses mid polishing. She's stood at a dinner table, three places set with name cards on each plate. In one hand she holds a fork and in the other she has a buffing cloth. I wonder how much more polishing it'll take for her to realise that there's Blade's reflection in the platinum handle.

"You mean Skull and Blade?" she clarifies, her pretty head turning slightly so that I can see a slip of her side profile. MJ's really pretty except for her crazy hair and lipstick. If she took that off and tried some mascara she could run for Miss Horto.

"Mhm," I hum. "The diabolical duo. How d'you know them?"

Still for just a second more, MJ raises the shiny cutlery to her nose and squints at it as a form of distraction. "I used to date 'im."

"Oh don't start with that bullshît," Blade protests, crouching on a shelf stocked with meat. He's getting kind of blurry. "You know we were just..." he pauses and that Cheshire cat sneer unfurls across his face, "...clowning around."

I hope he laughs so hard that he falls off that shelf to his death.

***

Wow! Two updates! Soz they're so short brovs but I'm lazy and I like cliffhangers.

Whaddya all think? Should I give up on life?

Jk I'm not gonna listen to your opinion on that.

Go Slytherin! (I got a Slytherin hoodie for Christmas and a Harry Potter t-shirt. Each was from TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE!!! My family gets me 😙)

Merry New Year!

Lots of polar bear babies from me!
Fesd5. Xxx