I thought I knew

4

The doctor kept talking but I wasn't listening; too preoccupied with my own thoughts. How can I be pregnant? Did something happen last night, was I that drunk I don't remember loosing my virginity? But isn't that too soon to tell? My heads pounding, I can't focus anymore it's just not adding up. It cant be possible... can it? Can I really be pregnant?

"Are you sure?" I finally asked the doctor interrupting whatever she was saying.

"As I was saying we will do a blood test do get a definitive answer but according to your urine test results you are pregnant."

"D-do you know how far along?" I wrung hands around the worn material of my cardigan, stretching the sleeves futher out of shape as I do so.

"For a urine test to come up positive you need to be at least two to three weeks along. A blood test will be able to tell us how far along you actually are."

"But... I- I never... how?" I feel my leg start to bounce, I wring the cardigan tighter.

Doctor Elizabeth looked at me then; her face lined with worry, blue eyes glassy as they stared through me. It was as if my question was not what she was expecting at all.

"What do you mean, when you say you never? What is it that you never did Katherine?" Her voice had a slight edge to it, as if this topic concerns her greatly which just confuses me more... surely it's just a false positive?

"I... uhm well... I'm a-a virgin," I struggled to get the sentence out, feeling embarrassed I looked down at my feet. What eighteen year old is a virgin nowdays? I am an outcast in the eyes of society, practically unheard-of...

I looked up when the doctor made a strange sound, like a sob she was trying to contain. She must feel bad for me being a virgin, I look at her sympathetically; what else can I do in this awkward situation.

"Katherine... I am not wanting to upset you but I need to know; is it possible that you had intercourse... without your knowledge or consent?" Dr Elizabeth asked me gently, a look of concern on her face.

I don't understand what she is insinuating here... I just told her I am a virgin and haven't had any- OH! I felt the colour drain from my face as I register her words. She is asking if I have ever been raped! Been with someone without knowing! Giving someone the most sacred thing I own. I just stare at her as this realization dawns on me. How could she ask me that! I would know if someone took that from me right? I would feel different surely, have some soreness my friends told me about. I've never had any of those symptoms before except... my eyes go wide as it hits me.

"How? How do I find out if someone took that from me? I-if I get this blood test and it's po-positive then that means... that m-means I was ra-raped." My voice wavers but I am determined to know. I need to know. If that happened then I need to know.

"A blood test would be the best way to go yes, we can do one right now in the nurses station if you would like? And I can see if the psychologist is available, incase you would like someone to talk to, because the results will take two to three days. I would recommend talking whether you are or are not, just so that we can assist you in this process. Does that sound ok to you?"

Doctor Elizabeth was back, she was firmer when talking to me which I greatly appreciate as it helps me with everything going on right now. It is a lot to process. The way she spoke made me feel safe and that this is not a bad thing to find out, her voice was calm and soft which helped my erratic heartbeat and pants of breath as I try to remain calm.

I simply nod my head and get ready to follow as the doctor leads me further away from the waiting area and into the nurses station. The walls were a bright blue and it gave the room a happy atmosphere, like when your mum tucks you into bed and you feel safe and secure; it's just like that.

"Are you ready to do the blood test Miss Katherine?" The nurse asked looking at me expectantly. She was a kind old lady with lots of smile wrinkles and grey hair that was in a neat bun on her head held in place with a beautiful feather clip.

I looked to the doctor to see her nodding and giving me an encouraging smile, so I simply nodded my head at the nurse, unsure about what to do. It has been years since I took a blood test; needles still make me queezy.

"Alright then dear just have a seat over there and I will be with you momentarily," the nurse said politely, so I do as she asks and sit on the stool, and I wait... and wait... and wait.

After what felt like hours but in reality it was only a few minutes, the nurse came over to me and put a strap on my left upper arm, tightening it securely. She then placed a squishy ball into my laft hand instructing me to squeeze while she gets ready. Once she finished the preperations she then removed the ball from my hand and I felt her poking around for a vein.

"Deep breath in," the nurse instructs, so I close my eyes and take a deep breath, thinking of how this all started. How did my life turn upside down in such a short amount of time? How will I take care of a baby if I am pregnant? I am living on a couch in my friends house, that is hardly an ideal situation to be raising a cild in...

Do I abort if the results are positive? What do I do?!?

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Hey everyone!!

Just wondering what you are thinking of the story so far. I know that it is a difficult topic to read about and I am trying to make the main characters reactions as real as possible.

Feel free to let me know what you think :)