Guts Over Fear

Sypnosis

The concept of things being black and white...that's a thing of the past. My entire life, I have resided in sheds of grey. The misery, the anguish, the hurt...they inhibit yet another piece of me with every day that passes. A certain string of routines keep my sanity intact, even stable on good days. For a time, I had craved so much, so very much to feel a damn thing. But then I did.

Joseph. The drug that keeps me sane. The anchor that grounds me. The talisman that saved me. From life. Life alone, with only my thoughts for company. And what thoughts they were!

I need him, and after a while I realized, he needs me just as much. Our craving for each other bypasses common sense. It feels as though I have yearned for him for as long as I remember. Going by what he tells me, he feels the same.

And then there were the shadows that we both fear. He fears what awaits him, as I fear what I've already been through. He dreads what he does, he tells me it's killing him, eating him from the inside out, changing him in ways that he never saw coming. "I'll love you nonetheless.", I assure him.

As for myself, my regrets are too heavy, the urges too strong. I do realize, my love for Joseph is unnatural, our relationship unhealthy. Some might call it destructive. That's funny though, since unanimously, we decided long ago, we were the only barriers that kept us from the edge. The edge of what? I can't be sure, we both haven't dared to get too close.

And then comes Ian. The thought of his name alone brings a smile to my face. He is needy, clingy and way too attached. A cord of connection, one that is so thin yet still strong enough to withstand a thousand storms keeps us together. I don't want to lose him. Is what I have with him enough  to help me move past everything? Is it even worth all the trouble?

                                                                                                   Read on to find out!

Contains some strong language, cursing, violence and triggering language. With that said, this is not the mundane love story. There are so many obstacles on the terrain and at times, it might even seem completely hopeless. Heart breaks will occur, a lot, down the road. But at the end, it will all be worth it. Right? It might be a happy ending ( which is extremely subjective). Or it might not. Still, I promise to give you a journey you won't soon forget.

What are you waiting for?! Open the book and get to reading.