THE BAD GIRL'S BOY

Intense

Michelle

What's happening to me?

He is the last thing on my mind before I sleep. He is the first thing I think of when I wake.

He makes me want to change.

To become a better person so I can be worthy of him.

I want to quit smoking, I want to control my anger, I even want to forgive my parents for ruining my life! Ben makes me want to do all that.

I'm so scared of these feelings I'm having.

I've never  ever felt like this before.

I never thought I would.

I can't control it. He doesn't even give me enough space to try to control it.

Does he like me too?

Is that why he always wants to be near me?

But he has a girlfriend?

Why is he doing this? Making me fall for him when he has a girlfriend!

When I'm supposed to despise men for how they ruined my life.

Ben is different.

He is not like any other man.

He is wonderful.

Did I just call a boy wonderful?

Oh crap, I'm in deep shit.

Yes, deep deep shit. I know because I'm currently sitting in front of a mirror in my shared room at the foster home.
I'm carefully applying make up, and I took extra time picking the dress I'm wearing .
Yes, it's Friday and Ben and his dad would be here soon.
I don't know why I'm so desperate to impress.

They aren't even coming here because of me.

I sigh as I stare at my reflection in the mirror.
Laura was right all along.

She knew I liked her brother from the day Jessica caught us sleeping in bed together.

She had screamed about how I totally liked her brother when we got to her room that day.

Of course I denied it saying we were just studying.

However her psychic sense never lies, so she says.

The incident at the cafeteria had confirmed that she was right.
Me getting upset because Ben was kissing his girlfriend and storming out of the cafeteria because I couldn't take it any longer really didn't have any other explanation.

Laura had comforted me saying how she'd rather have me as a sister inlaw than bitchy Jessica.

I had laughed, but what really made me feel better was the hope she gave me.
She told me Ben liked me back but he was just in denial.
She said he was too scared to admit it.
Too many people would get hurt if he did.

Well I'm hurting already so I really needed him to decide what he wants.

Did he want me?