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CHAPTER TWELVE: ELEVENTH MONTH

END OF TIME
TWELVE- ELEVENTH MONTH
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Dear Shawn,

It's been eleven months! Eleven months, and I still miss you. How could you leave? How could you not tell me about the cancer? It still upsets me at the fact that you never told me about it until after you were gone. We could've done something about it earlier!

Press has been the usual. Interviews; panels; premieres. I met Jimmy Fallon the other day. He was so fun to talk to. He admitted that he also missed you, and he even played another tribute video a fan made on the big screen. The whole crowd, and I think whoever was watching, was all in tears at the video.

I haven't seen you in so long. I went to the condo the other day to check nothing had been stolen, or touched by anyone. It's still the same. Your awards are still on the wall; your guitars are still in your guitar room; and everything else is still intact.

All the memories came flooding back to me eventually. I found myself laying on the floor, in a pool of my own tears afterwards. I think I had a panic attack. I haven't had one of those since before we met. That was almost 3 or 4 years now. I don't even remember it's been that long, just as long since you've been gone.

I miss you so much. I found your laptop. I was going through it and found a heap of old videos and photos of us saved in a "wedding video" file. I don't know how long before you leaving was made, but it must've been a while. There was so many videos and photos in there. How long were you planning to ask me to marry you?

I miss you so much. Eleven months, Shawn. Your songs are still on the radio at least once a day. Your music is still on the charts, now topping because they're being played so often. You've won and been nominated for so many awards and this year. I've got them all here, so I'm going to write them down, for you. There's a lot by the way.

AMA: Favourite Adult Contemporary Artist - WINNER

ARIA: Best International Artist - Nominee

BBC Radio 1 Teen's Awards: Best International Artist - Nominee

Billboard: Top Artist, Top Male Artist & Top Social Artist - Nominees

BreakTudo Awards: Mehlor Artist Masculino Internacional - WINNER

Canadian Radio Music Awards: SOCAN Song of the Year / "Treat You Better" - Nominee

Global awards 2018: Best Male, Mass Appeal Award, Best Pop, and best song "TNHMB" - results are pending.

iHeartRadio Much Music Awards: Most Buzzworthy Canadian & Fan Fave Artist it group - Nominee

iHeartRadio Music Awards: Best Fan Army & Best Cover Song / "Here" - Nominees

Juno Awards: Album of the year, pop album of the year / "Illuminate" & Single of the Year / "TYB" - Nominees

LOS40 Music Awards: International Artist of the Year & Lo + 40 Artist Award - Nominees

MTV: Best Song / "TNHMB" - WINNER

MTV Italian Music Awards: Best International Artist - Nominee

MTV Video Music Awards: Best Pop Video / "TYB" & Song of the summer / "TNHMB" - Nominees

Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards: Favourite Male Singer - WINNER

Meus Prêmios Nick: Favourite International Hit / "TNHMB" & Favourite International Music Awards - Nominees

Nickelodeon Argentina Kids' Choice Awards: Favourite International Artist or Group - Nominee

NJR Music Awards: Révélation Internationale de l'année - Nominee

People's Choice Awards: Favourite Male Artist - Nominee

Radio Disney Music Awards: Best Male Artist & Fiercest Fans - Nominees
Song of the year / "TYB" - WINNER

Teen Choice Awards: Choice Summer Tour / "Illuminate WT" & Choice Male Artist - Nominees
Choice Summer Male Artist & Choice Male Hottie - WINNER

Telehit Awards: Male Soloist of the year - WINNER

You've gotten so many awards this year, and you weren't even here to celebrate it. The fans are still working together in order to help you win even if you aren't here. The awards keep showing up at the condo, meaning Andrew's probably collecting them because I can't. I'm super busy with press. I wish I could collect them, but I wish more that you were here too. I miss you.

Love,
Demi x