Left Behind (A Fred & George fanfic)

21. Smile It Away

~ A day earlier ~

Fred watched as George's chest raised and fell. He slept with his mouth slightly open, which gave him an oh-so-charming look. Not.

Fred wondered whether he looked the same way when he was asleep. Of course not, he thought to himself, I'm still the better-looking one. He grinned, but soon found he didn't think it was funny at all.

On the contrary.

He couldn't look like George when he was asleep. For one thing, he didn't think he could sleep at all, not in this creepy ghost-like form. Plus, George had aged, while he himself hadn't. No, Fred was still stuck being 20 years of age, never to turn 21, no matter how many April Fools' Days would pass.

Dammit, he had let that big greyish unhappiness cloud his mind again. He had promised himself not to let that happen! His only purpose in life – or afterlife, whatever – was to keep George happy, in order to do that he needed to at least pretend he was happy himself.

Unfortunately, Fred had found it harder and harder to keep himself happy as time went. It was as if a Dementor was creeping up on him, coming closer and closer every minute of every day. The unhappy thoughts were impossible to get rid of by now, while the joyous thoughts slipped away more quickly.

Dementors. Yes, that's what it felt like. He remembered the first time he had encountered one, on the train to Hogwarts, in their fifth year. He'd heard stories of his dad about those horrible creatures before, but he never imagined them to be that terrible. That feeling they had given him... It was indescribable. Luckily George had been on his side at that time, like always. He had felt exactly the same way and they could talk to each other about it.

Only now there wasn't even the possibility to talk to George about how he felt. He couldn't tell George he felt like he was slowly falling apart. He couldn't tell George how he had some difficulty with remembering things from the past. How he couldn't remember every kid in their year at Hogwarts, how yesterday he had even been in doubt about their best friend's first name; Leo? Lee?

The insecurities, the non-stop doubts, it was driving Fred crazy. It was like he felt himself fading away slowly, and he couldn't stop it. He often wondered what was going to happen to him. Would he have to stay with George forever, feeling this way? What if George just dropped that damn stone back in the Forest again?

But George would never do that. George would never let go of Fred, because Fred wouldn't be telling him how miserable he really felt. He couldn't.

George suddenly moved in his sleep. He turned around and put his arm around Angelina, who was lying next to him. Watching them, Fred felt like such a stalker. Just watching people while they were sleeping... Yes, he definitely considered himself a creep at that very moment. But he didn't have much of a choice. He had to keep close to the stone, he didn't seem to be able to move too far away from it. So he was literally stuck. No way out. He didn't think even killing himself would get him out of this. He had already died once, and he can't die twice, can he? Not that he wanted to kill himself, of course, he couldn't do that to George.

No, he would be strong. For his brother. For his best friend. For his partner in crime.

He would just do what he had done all his life: smile it away and pretend everything's okay.

~

A beam of sunlight woke George up. He blinked a few times before looking around and noticing Angelina was already out of bed. Odd, usually she'd wake him up, even in the weekends. Something about 'not wanting to waist your day sleeping', George had never really understood it, let alone agreed to it.