Justin Blake: Finding Happiness

Hello, this is my life

     The sun started shining through the blinds on my window and onto my eyes. I squinted my eyes as I slowly woke up to the morning sun. My pillow fell onto the floor as I stretched and sat up. I picked it up and placed it back on my bed.

"Dude are you awake?" My twin brother Danny was knocking on my door. "Dad wants us downstairs for breakfast. Hurry up"

I groaned and walked over to my dresser. First I put on my boxers and binder. Then I threw on a pair of shorts and a muscle tank. I stepped over to the mirror and looked at my chest. Why couldn't I just have a flat chest like all the other guys? I adjusted my binder a bit to make my chest as flat as possible.

"Justin! Come on! I'm hungry!"

I grabbed my hat and put it on. "Okay Danny! I get it!" I heard him run back down the stairs and I took a deep breath. I unlocked and opened my door then went downstairs, sitting down at the table.

"good morning son." My dad said as I sat down and took a sip of my drink.

"it's about time" Danny mumbled as he took a bite of his breakfast.

Our dad glared at Danny for a second then looked back at me. "So, Justin, any plans for today?"

I stopped eating for a moment to respond. "No, not really. It's still the beginning of summer. I'll probably just go drive around for a while." I forced a smile and looked down at my plate. "Umm.. I'm full. Danny, want the rest?" He smiled and I handed him my plate. That boy can be so damn hungry in the mornings, yet hardly eat the rest of the day.

"Hey, Justin. Could you give me a ride to tish's house?"

I stopped and stood on the bottom step of the staircase. "uhh... Yeah. Sure. When do you want to leave?"

Danny put the plates in the sink. "15 minutes? That okay?"

I sighed quietly and kept walking up the stairs. "okay" I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. "Why am I so feminine? Why can't I be on t? Have the body I want?" Tears fell as I angrily looked at myself until I suddenly felt sick and puked. I washed my face and brushed my teeth then put on deodorant. I opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed a bottle of pills.

"Justin"

I panicked and put the pills back as the doorknob turned. "What Danny?"

"I'm ready"

My heart was still racing as I opened the door. "okay just let me put on my shoes" I turned off the bathroom light and walked past Danny and into my room. I sat on the edge of my bed and put on my socks then my shoes. I grabbed my keys from my dresser and went downstairs. "okay Danny lets go!"

"Have fun guys!" our dad shouted from the kitchen.

"Danny, you got the house key?" I said as we walked out the door.

"yeah. Go unlock the car, I'll lock the door." he said as he closed the door behind us.

I walked over to the car and unlocked it. I got in and turned it on. Danny ran up and got in then buckled up. "So" I said as I also buckled up. "Why the sudden need to go to tish's house? She usually comes here."

Danny looked at me then down at his phone. "Idk. She just asked me to come over so I said okay."

I started backing out of the driveway. "When are you going to learn to drive?" I laughed a little.

"Hey, shut up. You know I want to. But dad is too busy and mom is too nervous about me driving."

"Well that's not my fault so don't get mad at me."

"It's totally your fault" Danny mumbled under his breath.

I pulled up to tish's house. "Hey. I don't know what your problem is, but don't be rude. I don't have to give you rides." Danny got out of the car and slammed the door. He walked up to tish's door and I drove away.

I drove to my favorite spot along a river on the other side of town. No one was there. It was too hot. Everyone was staying inside, in their pools or at the big lake. I sat on the railing of the bridge above the river. Which really was more like a stream. It's fairly shallow and the water doesn't move much. I just sat way up there, looking down at the water. I started getting flashbacks again and tears started rolling down my face. I closed my eyes and slowly started leaning forward, starting to let go of the railing under me.

"Justin!"