My Ex Best Friend

Knowing Loss at 11

This memory was submitted by: RinShizu

 I was 11 years old and just transferred to a new school, most of the people there really scared me. I stayed quiet for a few days and stayed silent, even when people talked to me. One day a girl walked up to me, she had a smile on her face, she greeted me saying she wanted to be my friend. I was hesitant at first, thinking "why would this girl want to hang out with such a loser like m?"' from then on she started talking more and more to me, we formed a small friend group. She made me come out of my small shell, we started going places together. Even dressed alike sometimes, It went on like this for a long time, We texted each other. And everyone knew we were insuperable, It wasn't until I started telling her all my secrets, and started trusting her more and more when I found out she wasn't who she was showing me she was.

I remember when I smiled at her every morning. When she and other people were fighting over me, I knew my life at that moment was perfect.

Well. It 'was'

Four months before the year ended, she started showing me her true colors, I heard from people that she had been telling the new students things about me.

Telling them they shouldn't hang out with me because they would regret it.

Like the 11 year old I was I didn't believe them at all, I know I shouldn't trust people that much. Especially when I had barely met them. But what was I going to do?

I was alone and needed friends to comfort me, all the things that had been going on at home. She made me forget all that.

I still hung out with her, ignoring all those rumors.

Well, I should've listened to those people, I'm not saying rumors are always true. But that sometimes people aren't who they say they are.

More and more the rumors grew, until finally. I started liking someone, she helped me and set me up with that person. What I didn't realize was that she was trying to take that person away from me the whole time.

And trying to take away my identity from me completely.

My generosity

My Clothing style

My singing and drawing 'talent'

And .. My friends.

She tried to take control of everything, at some point I had to confront her. She denied doing anything bad.

And I still believed her. At first, I broke up with the guy I was with. And this girl had taken the guy away from me.

All I thought was, 'okay, she could have him I don't mind,'

Then again I liked another, my ex-best friend broke up with her boyfriend. Before I could confess she took him. Later finding out this guy only said he liked me because he wanted to date my best friend.

The next year, my ex best friend had told the new girl that she should stay clear of me. That I was trouble, I shouldn't be near anyone.

I started losing more and more friends because of her. Later, I found myself alone.

Eating lunch lone, playing alone and staying clear of any people.

I believed everyone was evil, and that all I wanted in that moment was to be alone and not have anyone around me at all.

But that wasn't it at all, all I wanted at the moment were friends who I could trust.

She started building up my depression again. I started cutting, which wasn't really a bright choice and started hating everyone around me. They all talked about me, and the rumors my ex-bestie had told them.

They believed it.

And I stayed alone, drawn back into my small shell. Telling myself the only real way of being happy is by not living at all.

Who knew one girl could cause this much chaos in one girl's life. Well, I didn't that's for sure.

Well, thats It.

I'm 14 now and still remember this

Crying asking myself what had happened in those three years, all those years. First happiness and then depression.

I'm happy now, found friends and got help. All I'm afraid of is that happening again, but I have so much positivity now because of these new people. And I could never be happier.