Ninety-One

31.

SOUNDTRACK: let's go a wee bit naija today #winks. Rainbow remix by tuface ft T pain.

HIM.......

17TH APRIL, 2009
VANCOUVER, CANADA.

As I watched her walk away, I just knew that I was broken now, shattered really, robbed early of the tape and glue necessary to put my soul back together. My heart, poorly stapled shut, was beating hard but without purpose, my skin stretched across my aching muscles like a worn canvas. My mind was like a lost man at sea, desperate and starving for some reason to live. Desperate for a memory, good, warm, welcoming, one i could smile to. It was difficult to even remember my one smile. All i knew was that it was once soft and contagious. I could taste my own blood as i bit my tongue hard to keep from screaming. No one had seen me smile, not since the day I lost Marwah. Not since the first time I realised I was madly into her. My mind was now slowly soaking in fear and newfound pain. I felt emotionally bankrupt. There was nothing left to feel, nothing left to say, nothing left but the void that enveloped my mind in swirling blackness.

"Bro, are you okay? You're turning pale". Enzo nudged me out of trance.

"I'll just use the washroom". I said excusing myself. Enzo trailed behind me and offered to wait for me by the entrance of the washroom. Once in the washroom, I eased myself before taking a handful of time quietly staring at my reflection in the mirror that stood in front of each wash hand basin at the washroom.

Not knowing when it happened, I suddenly found myself shedding tears, I was crying. Something I hadn't done in a long while. The last time I cried was when Mama left us but there I was, crying, for my lost love. I didn’t want to but I couldn't stop it either, I couldn't fight the tears back, i didn’t want my weakness to be seen, i didn’t want Enzo to draw more fear from my own desolation. I couldn’t help it, though. I felt extremely alone and helpless, just like the time i was lost in the woods when I was 12.

"Rayyan...... man you're crying!". Enzo gasped moving closer to me.

"I'm okay". I smiled weakly at him while trying to bring out a hankie from my breast pocket.

"No you're not. And you know what? Till you don't confront Marwah, till you don't pour your heart out to her, till you don't let out all the insecurities that tug at your heart, so you shall remain forever; darned and unhappy. I don't like seeing you this way bro, happiness is what I want for you cause you deserve nothing less than that. No one has ever made me see the beauty in life, and having loved ones but in these past few days that we've spent together, you've made me seen all that. You've taught me that life is much more than just playing my guitar and pulling pranks all day". Enzo pulled me to his arm.

"This may sound too girlie but I love you man, I swear I do and I seriously want the best for you. I don't even like that spaghetti legs you're getting married to. Always looking like a barbie doll.....". Enzo trailed.

"Hey! She's my cousin".

"Like I care". He said dramatically rolling his eyes "Now shut up and go get your woman. Shoo". He added dragging me by my left arm. "Relax okay, just hold your breath and slowly release it, you'll do just fine. Go go go! Go sweep antique Marwah off her feet". I let out a hearty laughter at how over dramatic Enzo was acting. Just like a lady.

Trying to locate Marwah at the busy train station was on it's own a huge task.

'The things we do for love'.