Letters: A Troyler FanFiction

Chapter 10

Tyler's P.O.V.

I wake up the same. I go to bed the same. Drive to the hospital the same way every day; without Troye.

But at the same time everything without him is so empty and different.

I get out of the car and walk slowly to the painfully familiar doors of the hospital. Staring at the rose in my hands, I run my thumb across the smooth petals. I've spent so much time replaying the last words Troye said before he went under that sometimes I almost think I can actually hear him, and it terrifies me.

The only sound echoing in the hallways of the hospital are the constant muffled voices from behind the doors and the soft hum of machines as I walk. When I stop in front of Troye's door I inhale deeply and stand there for a second, biting my lip as my hand grips the cold metal of the door and I turn it slowly.

I stop in my tracks in the doorway when I see him.

Of course he's there, but he's awake.

Awake.

I don't move, and my throat tightens. All of a sudden, the rose in my hand feels heavy. Am I dreaming? Is this some kind of sick game my mind is playing? I snap out of it as I watch him run his hand through his flawless hair across his forehead.

"T-Troye?" His name tumbles out of my mouth as I still stare at him.

His incredibly blue eyes meet mine as soon as I speak and his mouth falls open. "Troye," I say again, and take a step towards him. My heartbeat is going so fast that I feel lightheaded, and the sight of his eyes open makes my own burn with tears threatening to fall. I blink them back quickly, and rush to him when he finally speaks. "Tilly," he whispered.

I place the rose down before bringing the chair next to the bed even closer and sit down cautiously. A tear slides down his cheek and I immediately stand and gather him into my arms. I bury my face into the crook of his neck and breathe him in. I feel his arms snake around my back and his hands desperately clutch my hoodie.

"Troye Sivan," I mumble, "please don't ever leave me again. Please." I pull back to look him in the eye and wipe away his tears. "I'm so sorry, Ty," he whispers, so quietly that I barely hear it.

His hands fall back to his sides, his eyes never leaving mine as he moves to the other side of the bed and lies on his side so he's still facing me. He pulls the thin blanket back and glances expectantly at me. I climb onto the bed and pull him to me gently by his waist. We have to move a few tubes out of the way and he laughs breathlessly.

Troye buries his head in my chest and plays with the strings on my jacket. I sigh at the feeling of him in my arms again. "I missed you. A lot, Troye."

I run my hands up and down his back, and tears sting my eyes and blur my vision. Letting out a shaky breath, I close my eyes and let the hot tears slide down my cheeks, leaving fire hot trails behind them. I bring my hands around his shoulders and he shifts to look me in the eye. Concern washes over his face and he wipes the tears from my face away quickly.

"Don't cry, Tilly."

"Troye, I thought I lost you."

"Tyler, look at me."

I do. Troye brings my hand up and holds it in his.

"I'm here, you can feel me, hear me, and I'm breathing, with you." He squeezes my hand and lifts it to his chest, letting me feel his heartbeat.

I melt under his touch and tilt his head towards mine and kiss his forehead.

"Tyler?"

"Hmm?"

"Why did you bring roses?"

I smile weakly. "For you. Every time I visited I brought one. They reminded me of you."

Troye's cheeks turn crimson, and averts his gaze to the wall behind me. "Oh."

While he stares behind me, I bring my hand up with his and rub my thumb across his. "Does it still hurt?"

"Um, yeah. It's a little better, though, I think," he flashes me a small smile as he speaks and I do too. For the first time in countless weeks, I smile.

We lay together for what felt like forever, in comfortable silence.

I sit up, leaning on my elbows. "I want to show you something."

Troye glances at me, raising his eyebrows. "What is it?"

I don't answer, and instead pull myself from his arms, ignoring his whining for me to lay back down. I swing my legs off of the bed and slide into the chair while leaning over to the table and grabbing the thin notebook. Troye see's it and pushes himself to sit up, leaning over the bed to get a better look at it.

I nervously turn it over in my hands before looking back into his eyes.

"I, uh," I flip the cover open, revealing the words scrawled across it. "I wrote to you. I didn't know if you could hear me talking or anything, so I wrote these letters." Troye's lips are slightly parted, as if he was going to say something but stopped when I grip the first page in my hands. Slowly, I tore it from the metal rings binding it to the others until it was free. I hand it to him and he stares at the paper, then to me and at the paper again. Troye's face lights up as he takes it in his shaking hands and gestures for me to back to the bed again, so I do.

While his hands move the plastic tubes and the IV out of the way, I yank the blankets up to our chins. Then I pull Troye closer to me so his head rests on my arm that was across his shoulders as he cuddles into my side. I watch his fingers steady the paper as he starts to read.