I'll always come back to you - Superflash

Why does it feel like I just lost?

*Credit to @InterCosmicBooks for the idea of this story*

*Changes in plot to The Flash: Since Reverse Flash's death the future newspaper has changed to being written by a Kara Allen with the headline "Anniversary of The Flash and Supergirl" but no-one has looked at it since Thawne's death*

    Team Flash had just defeated Zoom and were relaxing in the West household. Zoom had been taken by the time wraiths into the Speed-Force; Barry's dad had died and Barry's dad's doppelganger had been removed from his mask and was on his way to Earth-3. This had all been a bit stressful for Barry - he had lost his father and found a different version of him in less then 24 hours. he needed to be alone, to breath. he needed to get some fresh air so that was what he did. He left the house and sat on the porch outside. Iris noticed and followed.

BARRY: "I can't stop thinking about my dad's doppelganger. Seeing him, knowing that he's out there, that should've made it easier. It doesn't. It just made me miss him even more."

IRIS: "I can't even imagine how hard that must have been."

BARRY: "We just won. We just beat Zoom. Why does it feel like I just lost?"

IRIS: "Because you've lost a lot in your life, Barry, more than most. But maybe, some day, you will find someone who can make you feel better, maybe that can give you something for a change."

BARRY: "That's all I've ever wanted. And I wish that I was in a place where I could try that with someone, with anyone. But I feel so hollowed out inside right now. I feel more broken than I've ever felt in my life. If I'm ever gonna be worth anything to anyone, I need to fix what's wrong with me. I need to find some some peace."

This was true but Barry meant it in a different way than anyone hearing it might think. He felt worse than he should after what had happened. He felt empty inside for a while now, like he had let something, someone, somewhere slip through his fingers and he couldn't figure out what it was. He had a void inside him and no-one knew. He first felt it after returning from Earth-38 but didn't think anything of it until recently. Perhaps if he could fill this void he could feel better, perhaps he could heal from everything. He just needed to fill this void. A pest version of himself might of thought that Iris would be the cure but even if she proclaimed her non-existent love right now he wouldn't feel better inside. He needed the cure but didn't know what it was.

IRIS: "Barry, listen to me. You helped everyone for years. You have survived things that most people would dismiss as myth or not understand how it feels. So I am telling you that you need to do something for yourself for once. Wherever you need to go, whatever you need to do, do it. And when you get back, we'll be here. To welcome you with open arms."

BARRY: "Thank's Iris"

Iris stood up and went back inside and Barry let his waves of emotion loose in his mind. He expected to feel anger, sorrow, resentment. He did but not very much. he felt predominantly regret. But what was he regretting? What did he do or not do? It was something to with the void in his heart. He needed to fill the void in his heart and he could only think of one way to do this. He needed to run. To clear his head. To save his mother.

So that's what he did. He ran back in time and saved his mother. He stopped Edobard Thawne and ran back to the future. He was greeted by a wave of memories. With his mother and father present. He lived a simple but happy life as a CSI and didn't think much of it. Hopefully this could fill the void in his heart.

**THREE MONTHS LATER (After flashpoint in the episode - West-Allen)**

  Barry woke up and got ready for work. he then suddenly fell to the floor, clutching his head as he had a flash of memories, hid dad dying, beating zoom, the talk on the porch. He was forgetting his past life. He remembered one thing though and it would have to be the one thing he wouldn't forget. The void in his heart. Being in the new timeline didn't fix it and he only realised now. it only shrunk it a bit. He was still empty inside, still full of regret. Now for both Flashpoint and the mystery cure. He still didn't know.

    Throughout the day Barry kept having memory flashes of his past life, forgetting bits, retaining bits. then something weird happened. he had a memory flash but didn't forget anything. he gained something. he found the answer to the void, he found what he regretted doing. he had a memory flash of a blonde woman with a blue costume, a red skirt and a red cape. He had a memory flash of Kara. He regretted leaving her Earth. He regretted leaving her. But what could he do? Her and James had probably got together by now. He needed to restore the timeline before he forgot her completely. He ran to where Edobard was being held.

BARRY: "I need you to restore the timeline."

EDOBARD: "Say it, Barry."

BARRY: "I need you to kill my mother."