My Exception (sequel to No Exceptions)

Five

I couldn't breathe, the wind completely knocked out of me. I didn't want to believe that Negan would do that to Olivia, but as the idea ricocheted through my head I knew it was true; the fact was agonising. My knees went weak and finally gave out, as I held out my shaky arm to steady myself. Every breath I took became less and less efficient, my body drawing closer to the floor.

The room spun as I found it hard to focus on one point, yet I somehow managed to look up and watch Rick's previously callous expression drop, guilt taking over his tired features. I felt Daryl's firm hand rubbing my back in slow soothing circles. I could hear his low grumble, a sign that he was uncertain of how to approach the situation.

As I continued the futile task of trying to breathe I could feel all eyes on me. The room felt stuffy, intakes of breathe and half words muttered; no one knew what to say.

As my vision began to fade I rolled myself into a lying down position and tried to focus on the cream coloured ceiling as tears pricked my eyes; my body trying to process that Olivia was gone. The more I tossed the idea through my head, the greater the guilt became. I kept playing scenarios in my
head, wondering if I'd stayed at Alexandria that day would she still be alive. Could I have done anything different?

Rick knelt down beside and rubbed my shoulder
"It's going to be OK. I'm sorry I told you this way" his words washed over me as his relaxed dulcet tone calmed me down enough to open up my airway. I could tell that his apology was genuine, he'd been like a brother to me growing up and didn't like seeing me get hurt, especially by him. I nodded as I kept focused on the wall, knowing if I gave him eye contact in that moment I'd lose it again.

I laid there letting the silent tears fall, Rick retreated momentarily. Daryl lifted my head up on his knee, running his hand through my curls. He tilted my head up as I watched his eyes dart from me to another spot, unable to sustain eye contact.
"I'm sorry Rackel! I shoulda told ye"

I shook my head at him, I couldn't believe that he was taking this on his shoulders too. I gave him a stern look "stop blaming yourself for everything, you have nothing to feel guilty about" he sighed as the air came out in a gush, he truly believed that I would be angry at him for that and I wondered why that was.

As I watched Rick usher everyone out of the living room he came back and held out a hand to me, Daryl helping him get me in a standing position. He then held my shoulders and turned to Daryl
"Would you mind if you gave us a minute?"

Daryl shook his head, stubborn as a mule. I held his forearm and squeezed in a reassuring manner, letting him know I'd be fine.
"It's OK"
He couldn't help but walk me to the lounge room as he made himself scarce at Rick's request. I sat opposite him, as my breathing levelled and I calmed down. I looked at my old family, he knitted his hands together in deliberation, staring into space as if pondering.

Our relationship had a loving but rocky history; I'd always been treated like the younger sibling. There was a sizeable age gap between Rick, Shane and I, making me feel like I didn't quite belong to the group they'd formed. By the time I'd hit my mid teens Shane had trained up to be a police officer with his best friend Rick and had moved out of home leaving me alone. I'd begrudged him for at the time. Nonna Jean had missed him to, she'd basically been our mother as she had raised us from little.

He tapped the tips of his fingers together
"Hey Kel" Rick breathed out sombrely

"Been a while since I've been called that" I laughed at his use of my old nickname Shane had given me. Way back when I was called Kel more often then by my full name.

He leaned into me, resting his elbows on his knees
"I'm sorry all this happened to you, but it's been tough on all of us. It's been brutal on Alexandria and we made a lot of sacrifices to get you back." He ran his tongue over his dry lips "I had to stop Daryl going on a kamikaze mission."