Life is a roller coaster

Dreams

Each night when I close my eyes the first thing that I see is the boy that stole my heart and it's hard to forget just how beautiful he is. That's what captivated me the very moment that I laid eyes on him when we were mere toddlers. His eyes always held so many emotions regardless of how much he tried to hide them. I could always tell how he was feeling by just looking into those deep blue eyes of his. He could fool anyone by saying that he was OK if he was upset, he could pretend to not feel tired when in reality all he wants is to sleep, he can say that he's not mad when his eyes darken when he is, he can anything that he wants to other people but he could never fool me.

I knew him better than he knew himself, and it's a pity that I couldn't see the lie in his eyes when he told me he loved me and that he forgot about Mike. I was a fool to believe him when he said that he wanted nothing more than to be with me but behind my back, he was sleeping with someone else. His lips already belonged to someone else regardless of how many times they kissed me. His heart never truly belonged to me because he had yet to move on from the man that he was with for so many years before he got together with me. I work countless hours every day just so that I won't go back to that empty apartment and think about him. I'm gone days and nights without sleep because I don't want to close my eyes and see him in my dreams.

How can people live a life where the person they love was with someone else and not you? How can people survive the fact that they are in the arms of another person? How can they sleep at night when the person you wish to have in your arms to hold was in bed with somebody else that's not you? So many questions ran through my mind yet I had no answers to any of them. I've gone through so many emotions that I just want to close my eyes and not dream about the man that broke my heart. I sighed and rolled over in bed unable to erase those blue eyes from my mind.  I stared up at my black ceiling that was covered in glow-in-the-dark stars that reminded me of the starry sky outside my window.

I could feel my eyes sting with the memory of the day that Rain asked if he could paint the ceiling black. It was one of the oddest questions he had ever asked me but I allowed him to do as he pleased which I later learned that he wanted to put glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling.

Can we paint the ceiling black? Rain singed and I gave him a weird look but said nothing just nodded making him beam. He came around the dinner table and wrapped his arms around my neck kissing my cheek repeatedly over and over again. I just wished that I could hear his voice but he said that he hated how he sounded so he never really spoke to me and it hurt but I didn't push him. I loved him too much to make him angry.

I smiled once he pulled back and signed thank you at least five times before going back to his seat. I just shook my head and stared at him fondly. He truly was one of the most beautiful human beings that I have ever laid eyes on. Two days later, I found myself in Home Depot with Rain as he pulled my hand down the pain isles until we found the right color black. We had the paint and headed to the checkout line where I saw the man that had tormented my Rain for years on end. I watched as Rain tensed up and practically buried himself into my side and hid his face. I watched Mike's eyes darken when he saw Rain and I together but didn't say or do anything. 

Once we checked out we headed back to my car and drove to Walt Mart because Rain wanted to buy some stuff before we headed back home to paint our bedroom ceiling. After walking for a few minutes we stopped when Rain found what he needed and that's when I saw the stars. I chuckled when Rain grabbed about five bags each bag holding 20 stars in them. We returned home a little after noon so we decided to have lunch before we got to work on decorating our ceiling. Rain made himself a turkey sandwich while I made myself a hand, turkey and bacon sandwich. We ate as we watched TV and before we knew it, we were changing from our good clothes into clothes that we only ever used when we were doing some renovating or cleaning. Rain wore one of my old gray t-shirts along with his black shorts while I wore a black wife beater and gray shorts.

It took us two and a half hours to finish painting the ceiling so I told Rain that once the pain was dry we could put the stars up which he reluctantly agreed to even though he wanted to put them up now. The day rolled by quick after that and so did the next day. Rain was jumping on top of me and once I opened my eyes he beamed down at me before gesturing to the stars that still sat on our dresser and to the ceiling. I chuckled and nodded but signed telling him we needed to eat something first after brushing our teeth and washing our faces. He frowned but did as told so after 30 minutes of following me around the house while I was trying to do some house work, I found myself standing on a ladder while Rain stood beside me with the packets of stars handing them to me one by one as I scattered them around the ceiling.

By the time it was time for bed, the sky was filled with glowing stars that reminded me of the night sky outside. Rain had cuddled into my side, his head on my chest while my arm was wrapped around his shoulder and the other was laced with his.

I shook my head as that night came to mind and I felt something warm rolling down my cheeks and I raised a hand touched my cheek and realized that I was crying. I sighed and looked over at my night stand and saw that it was 3 in the morning, I didn't have to be in at work until 10 but I knew that I couldn't sleep, because if I did, I would see Rain in my sleep again. Might as well get out of bed and shower to get my thoughts away from Rain. I got out of bed and walked to the bathroom and stripped down and got in after I set the water on hot. I let the water wash away the dirt and sweat of my body and relax my muscles.

By the time I got out it was almost 4 so I decided to go for a walk to clear my mind before I had to head to work so once dressed I walked out of my apartment and walked down the street with no particular place in mind. I was too lost in my thoughts that I didn't see the person walking down the same street as I before we both collided sending us to the ground. I looked up and was about to apologize when I looked into those familiar crystal blue eyes that I have loved for so many years. His eyes widen but glistened over with tears as his eyes locked with mine.

K-Kyle? He signed and I swallowed the lump in my throat because I close to sobbing right then and there

R-Rain