Found | JJK

20. Cry.

Previously:

"Aish. I'll go talk to him" Suga stood up and walked to Jungkook's room.

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Suga's POV

I felt a little bad after knowing that he thinks we hate him. What he did was too far but can we really blame him? He was being drugged. But it still angered me that he did what he did. I felt some type of desire to punch him but I could never do that to him, even if I was drugged up. I reached his door and knocked a few times before opening it. I looked at him sitting on his bed, he looked so... different and not in the good way. 

"Come talk to me in my room" I demanded before walking to my room

I opened my door and sat on my bed waiting for Jungkook to walk in. I completely forgot about his leg till I saw him wince while walking through my door, I went to help him but he shooed me off, he must've stepped on it wrong. Eventually he made it to the bed and sat down while I closed the door.

"Jungkook, I hope you know we don't hate you. Especially not me. I said what I said because I knew you wouldn't be able to go anywhere with your thigh the way it is. I'm not going to lie, I'm still a bit upset about you hitting Nani and holding a gun to her head-" 

"I didn't mean to.." Jungkook interrupted 

"I know. I don't blame you for any of it. No one does... well, maybe Nani does. But we know you were being drugged. We just want you to get better. I want to see you how you used to be. I miss the old Jungkookie, the one who would tease his hyungs, be good at everything he tried, smiled all the time, laughed like a crazy maniac..." He started to cry, like waterfalls just rushing from his eyes

I hated seeing him like this. I pulled him into a tight hug and patted his head

"I...Hate myself.." He spoke softly

It pained me to hear those words escape his mouth

"Stop. I don't ever want to hear you talk like that again. You are trying to get better and that's all that counts. Forget about Nani, for get about caring for other people for now, take care of yourself. Begin to love yourself again.. Love yourself" He nodded but continued crying

"I'm gonna go get you some water and tissues, stay here." I left the room closing the door behind me

Nani's POV

I need some advice.. someone to help me. I haven't been myself since V broke up with me... I always go to Suga for honest opinions. I got up from my bed and walked towards his room. I knocked twice but he didn't answer so I just opened the door thinking he was probably asleep. Instead of seeing a sleeping Suga, I saw a crying Jungkook. I should feel bad but I didn't, I didn't feel anything and I haven't since V.. That's why I need Suga. Jungkook lifted his head and looked up at me, he immediately put his head back down when he noticed it was me so I wouldn't see him crying. He even became quiet but it was too late I already heard and I already saw. I began to leave while shutting the door.

Suddenly I was pulled back in as the door slammed behind me and I was soon pushed against the door. His breathing was heavy.. I can't lie, I was scared. He's stronger than me but I definitely won't let him hurt me without a fight this time. I prepared myself to attack until his body crashed onto mine. He rested his forehead on my shoulder, he began to weep.

"I don't know what to say to you to make you want me again.. But I know I want you to know how sorry I am. I never want to hurt you again. I hate myself for what I did, I don't care if I was drugged. Seeing you hurt, hurts me. Nani, I've been through hell without you.. and I'm still trying to find my way out.." His hands moved from both sides of me on the door to being wrapped around my waist

"I think about you all the time. If your okay, if I scarred you, if I'll be able to hold you again, when I will be able to hear your voice again, If I'll ever smile with you again... I remember your lips, your voice, your skin, your kindness. I remember sitting on the beach and holding you close to watch the sunset. When Jimin and I would lay our heads and your lap and you'd play in our hair.. Waking up next to you and admiring how perfect you are to me. I try to remember it all, but slowly I'm beginning to forget.. I remember when we first became friends.. When you hated me... When I hated you... I think back to then and think how crazy it is that I went from hating you to loving you... Loving you more than anything.. More than myself, more than life.. I just.. I just want you back even if it's as friends..." He was now face to face with me, tears running down his face. 

I felt something.. I felt like my old self again. I looked at him and I could feel a small pain in my heart. I could see every memory he talked about. I felt tears building up as I thought about all the memories we had with each other, how much I missed him-. No. I won't do this.. A single tear left my eye as I spoke.

"I...I remember-" I tried to speak but my mind prevented me by making me relive memories of Jungkook... The worse one.. The one I want to forget.

(Flashback)

Jisoo got close enough to Jungkook to inject him with some kind of drug and like that he was gone, I didn't recognize him anymore. She was drugging him.

"She hurt us.. She hurt you.. so much.. She deserves this.... Shoot her" Jisoo whispered to him

"Please!" I forced out with my last bit of energy

"SHUT UP" He snapped

I began sobbing. I watched him raise the gun up to my head as he walked towards me. Soon I felt the metal on the middle of my forehead

(End of Flashback)

 I gently unwrapped his hands from around me "Whenever I think of you now, I see you holding a gun to my head and telling me to shut up. I can't find happiness because of it.. You broke me.." 

"I never meant to.. Let me replace that memory with a better one.. Let me fix you.. I will do whatever you tell me to do just to get a chance."

"How can you fix me, if you can't even fix yourself... You know, you helped me realize.. I don't want to be an assassin anymore.. I don't want to be hit anymore." I spoke before walking out of the room

I ran to my room and fell on my bed, I just cried till there were no tears left. All I wanted to do was talk to Suga to get advice but instead I was tricked into becoming my old self again.. I was tricked to feel this pain.. again.

Jungkook's POV

Once she walked out I sat back on the bed with my head buried in my hands, I had no tears left other than the leftover ones but they were beginning to dry up. I just sat there sadden, frustrated, and hurt that she feels the way she does. Suga walked in a few minutes after but I didn't look up.

"I got some food too, you need to eat something. Here." 

I felt him sit next to me on the bed

"Aish, your still crying? Here, I got tissues too."

I lifted my head and looked at him

"Oh you aren't crying, good"

"Make sure she's okay. She just left, she's crying so take the tissues."

He looked at me confused but eventually put it together and opened his mouth to speak but I stopped him

"Please go comfort her, I promise I won't move" 

He nodded and grabbed the tissues he made sure to tell me to eat before walking out and closing the door behind him.