Life Isnt So Great

I'm Weak...

"I don't want to talk about it"...  I said hugging myself and backing up against the wall tears streaming down my face. However, my father and mother were not going to let me leave the living room.  My tears grew heavier as my father raised his voice and kept listing off things that could occur at school. Sadly it wasn't him that nailed it on the head. My mother was talking and said the two words Sexual Harassment.  My tears grew worse now burning into my dry cheeks eyes becoming red and puffy. Eventually, I had enough and turned into the kitchen going to the door that leads to freedom, and sat down putting my back to it bringing my knees to my chest. The tears continued and I could hear my parents talking or at least trying to talk to me, however, my mind was going back to the school where this had happened.  It started as just stares and glances but as time grew the problem grew. . . My name is Serana and this is the time I got sexually harassed. Due to privacy issues, I will be changing the "offender's" name. Please try and enjoy I mean I know it's a deep topic but I just need to speak my mind somewhere.

It was the start of the 2017-2018 school year. Me being a sophomore and my second year up at the high school I was pretty confident that this school year would be really good.  I wish I could go back and tell myself to never let my guard down but anyway. Third hour/period, a class I thought would be my favorite it being art II. I didn't think that class would be where my problems started. There was this boy who ended up sitting next to me. His name is Darren. He seemed like a nice boy one I could make friends with since in that class I only had one friend Alexandria. I was shy though so he talked first. Everything was going well up until the end of the second marking period. This was when I started noticing his behavior change. He started looking at me more and often I would find him staring. I didn't think anything of it and thought he just wanted to talk or look at my art.  Later the compliments started. They were little things anyone would say like "Nice drawing." or "I like that picture." I'd smile at him and say thank you but as the days grew deep down in my gut I started getting an off feeling around him. Again I pushed it off and just thought it was me being paranoid.  Oh, how I was wrong.  It wasn't until the third semester that his compliments and staring grew. He started moving his chair closer to me. Again I dismissed it as nothing and him being friendly, that was till he touched my shoulder. Paranoia kicked in and often I would squirm or let out a nervous laugh. I should have addressed the situation there but I'm a pushover and hate hurting people's feelings...In other words im weak. 

The problem grew and nobody knew about it. Not the teacher, my friends, or my parents. One day a few days ago on Monday, February 26th  he not only touched my shoulders but ended up trying to tickle them or rub them I'm not sure which, and at that time I didn't care.  I knew it felt weird and was wrong but  I didn't do anything. Instead, I looked at my paper and drew like he wasn't there. He stopped after a bit and went back to his seat eyes glued to me. I looked up at my friend and tried to talk to her but her face was buried in a book like it almost always was. So instead I texted another friend who was in the art class next door. She replied and I told her what was going on. I left out little details and only said he tapped my shoulders. She told me to tell the teacher but me being weak I didn't. Tuesday was worse. I'm not sure if it was on accident or purpose but I was sitting in my seat when all of a sudden I felt something touch my rear. I turn my head and see Darren walking by. I gulp and look at the color wheel I was drawing for the class. While I was doing that he walked by again touching my shoulder as he went by.  I look up and smile even though on the inside I was freaking out. The class goes on with him staring and giving compliments and talking about hobbies and stuff. There was a statement he said that made me not want to hurt him even more. He said, "I like you, Serana." I knew my eyes widened but all I did was nod and say cool. Onto Wednesday. Again I was sitting down working on my project when out of nowhere I heard a chair scoot closer. I look over and see that he moved over to be closer. I quickly turned my head and another boy walked in. I sighed with relief as this boy was Darren's friend and would let me have a day when I was free.  I was right until, in band class, my phone went off and it was a message from Darren. It was a simple hello that grew worse. The compliments grew but were more inappropriate. There was flirting too. "I would have you sit in my lap and mess with your hands to mess you up." He said even though we were talking about video games.  I responded with "That wouldn't work." and he said, "Then I'd kiss you." At that message, I didn't know what to say and sent an emoji. After that, I stopped replying. 

Now today Thursday, March 1st. Today was the worst. He touched my shoulders rubbing them and trying to tickle my neck, then when I didn't give him the reaction he wanted he tried to tickle my stomach but ended up tickling under my boob. That was weird, he wasn't done though. He then tried to tickle my side and instead made me yelp which he chuckled at. After he did that he rubbed and tickled my back which felt plain weird. As the end of the class hour ended he hugged me and I slipped out the door feeling gross and highly uncomfortable. I met up with my friend and put on a fake smile to hide but at lunch that came crashing down. She tried to hug me and all I could think about was art class. I talked to her and explained everything and went the rest of the day feeling like crap.  I sat on my bed and pulled out my phone seeing I had a message from him it read "I wanna kiss those lips of yours" And that was the last straw. My mood dropped and my parents noticed which led to the crying and yelling that was explored above. 

I know I probably shouldn't say anything or share this but I need to get this off my chest being that I will deal with it every day until school is out for the summer.  Thank you for your time...