Jaded Romance-The Mentalist

Chapter Five

Teresa had spent many lonely nights, between shifts and staying in the office as an excuse for why she'd just spend another evening alone, thinking. Often thoughts that grew from the extreme tiredness that she'd built up throughout the course of the busy day. Things such as her seemingly strong faith and belief in God. Was she really as religious as she was often perceived? Did she deserve The Lord's trust when she had no option but to shoot a man in the street? The answer to that last question normally had a 50/50 cut. Yes, she was a reliable Catholic, she had to shoot the criminal in order to save good lives from the hands of a bad man. But then there was the other side of the answer; No, she was a Catholic unworthy of God's love because that criminal in God's eyes deserved a chance at life, same as any other human being, a chance to explain his actions.

Aside from her religion, she thought, rather deeply, about the subject of love and her absent love life. Questions varying from 'would she want a man?', to 'would she struggle to accept that she'd no longer be the independent women people knew her to be?'. She'd very often thought of Jane, especially in the days, years, of Red John. She'd arrive home, take out already hanging from a bag on her arm, pour herself a generous glass of wine and sit alone on her couch. After a while of this routine she'd found her mind was going round in a vicious cycle. General concerns and questions, then cases and work, religion and faith, herself and her self-worth and finally that led to relationships and love. She'd surprised herself on more than one occasion when Jane came up toward the end of her broken record of thoughts, rather than in the work section. Soon this occurrence happened on a regular basis and she found the feelings that she'd never thought she'd have. Once falling for his act of adoration was enough for her, so she buried those feelings in a dark place and contained them until she no longer felt anything but loneliness. When at work, she loved the almost dizzying sense of happiness and comfort she felt and prolonged her stay there everyday until it reached a suspicious time, then she had no option but to leave in order to dismiss any hunches her colleagues may have, especially Jane, who often stayed overnight. Then when Marcus came along she found that she didn't just have those feelings whilst at work, but also at home, or even his place.

It was a few weeks later that she realized Jane was becoming particularly clingy. She'd immediately assumed it was jealousy because he no longer had her undivided attention, but now, post his confession, it all made more sense.

The line between her brow formed and he had to restrain himself in order to not step forward and iron it out with his finger, an instinct he'd harboured, but restrained, for quite a while.

"No," she said incredulously. "That was two years ago..."

He smiled nervously, she remembered! "Would you like me to reword it?" He offered.

"You realise you're not supposed to remember, right?"

He breathed out a chuckle. "Right."

"And it was two years ago."

"Correct." He couldn't help but watch her with one eyebrow raised as her brain turned to scrambled eggs.

"And you were hyped up."

He loved how she practically quoted the entire scenario. He decided to play her game. "I thought at any moment we were gonna get found out."

Her eyes narrowed as she recalled her words and she finally looked up at him, a smirk playing at her lips.

"You do remember?" She asked, still disbelieving.

"How could I not?.."

She studied his face, another habit she'd picked up, although she'd always done it discreetly in the past, or so she believed.

"You don't need to study me this time, Teresa. I'm telling the truth."

She frowned, he'd known all along? Suddenly her face lit up and it was his turn to look confused.

"Is this all a set up?" She smirked, glancing round. It saddened him that he couldn't even admit his love for her because she wouldn't trust him, understandably so after all the tricks and games he'd pulled over the ageing years, not to mention the countless lies he'd sworn were the truth.

"I love you, so, so much, Teresa. And I don't want to frighten you, or scare you or cause more trouble. I want you to do what makes you happy, my opinion on that still hasn't changed. All I ask is that you make the decision based on what you want. Don't let this change anything." He paused for breath as this was just as terrifying as he'd imagined. "And no, this is definitely not a set up. Nor game or trick or evil deception. It's the truth."

Her eyelids fluttered as the humid air somehow seemed to make her eyes go dry. She started to softly shake her head, "No... I can't. I can't marry him..."

He cupped her cheek and gently raised her head from looking at the ground. Her heart was racing ten times faster than it had when she used to think of him, as she sat alone, the beat always ending up out of its usual timing.

He subtly leaned closer and closed his eyes, just trying to calm himself.

"Shh..." She whispered, almost inaudibly, and rubbed her thumb soothingly over his cheek. "You don't have to impress me..." She said, a few decibels louder with her growing confidence as she realized they were both as anxious as the other. He kept his eyes closed as he let the burning heat of his face be drained through her cool hand that now resembled his own, only holding his cheek instead.

"I'm extremely out of practice..." He informed her.

"I'm not much more confident than you are..." She smiled lightly.

"But you've had a dummy to rehearse with," he joked. She snapped open her eyes as he did the same and the panic stricken look he had made her restrained bubble of joy pop and she giggled, largely due to nervousness.

"Something has occurred to me," he said, returning to his usual volume and holding her hand that was pressed to his cheek as he straightened his stance. "We've been friends, partners, for a lengthy amount of time, and yet we're just as tense now as anyone having their first encounter. Why?"

She briefly looked at the floor again as she considered his point.

"Most likely because... Well, we're not familiar with each other in this way..."

He returned her moments of consideration and then tilted his head, reaching the conclusion that it was most certainly a plausible solution.

As they stood there in the dimly lit parking lot, his hand clutching hers at their hips, a companionable silence between them, she once again resorted to watching the floor. When he acknowledged this he used his empty hand to tilt her chin upwards so that her eyes were brought to his.

"Please stop looking down at the ground... Your eyes are so beautiful, I hate to see them go to waste and hide beneath your lashes..."

She wondered what else she didn't know about him, or at least what to expect.

With their now bonded gaze it led to them mentally agreeing that it was okay. They were okay. He leaned down slightly as she rose stably on her tiptoes and they kissed.