Forever Young

Forever Young ch.5

Ch.5 Only Girl In The World

I would love to say that after a month or so, that we were dating. That would be a dream, everyday is a dream though....But no, unfortunately, we’re just friends. ._. I’ll take it though. Anyway, I’m still the only girl who can touch him. ;) Seeing as I had nothing better to do with my life, I have started to research One Direction and wow...they are very....British. *laughs* The inside jokes, the Larry Stylinson (<3), and everything. That means I have competition though...Louis’ going to be very hard to compete against. *rubs chin*

So Harry has left for the summer to go to England and hang with the remaining of the group, and I feel myself reclining quickly back into my depression. I keep waking up, expecting to see him leaning over me, smiling as if I said something funny (which I never do, I get too fangirly around him) and then proceeding to walk around naked when I pretend to not look. But it doesn’t happen. By the time July rolls around, I’ve gone totally back into my depression, with my suicide journal my best friend. I notice that my last entry was on May 28th, the day he saved me. Filled with sadness and withdrawal, I flip through, trying to see which attempt I have yet to try. Since I am a woos, I am always reluctant to try slashing my neck. But seeing as I have a lot of time to burn, I decide that’s the one. On a fresh page, I write down how I’ll do it, when, and how long it is estimated for my death. Maybe this time it will actually work! I’ll be able to join them. As I doodle smiley faces, I remember something Harry told me a couple days before he left.

“Erin?”

I turned to face him, my face excited as I await his statement.

Swinging his arm over my shoulder, he said “I hope you’ll be ok with me gone.”

My smile stayed on my face, it having been permanently etched into my skin whenever I was near him, but on the inside, I could feel my heart breaking. “W-why?” I stuttered a bit.

“I hope you’ll stay like this, Erin,” he said, with a hint of something I couldn’t detect.

“Of course I will. I’ll be as 18 as I am now,” I muttered, seeing as I’m stuck like this.

He stayed silent as if something was on his mind, but he didn’t want to talk.

“‘I hope you stay like this, Erin’?” I whispered to myself, as I stab one of my fingers to sign my signature. I wish I could’ve, too. But some people have their drugs and mine are suicides.

___

Today is July the 4th, the day of my hopeful death if it all goes right. I chose today because July the 4th was always a happy occasion. My stepdad, John, would barbecue, Shelby would talk with her friends about various things, as if she was a teenager, and me and my little sister would go looking for fireworks. Now, it’s just me, my journal, and the sharpest knife I could find in the house. Testing the blade, I determine that it will do the job. I stare at the clock, waiting for it to announce that it’s 12:01. It merely just makes its constant ticktock, so I decide to slice at 12:00 and expect to die at 12:01. Standing in the mirror, I look at myself for a few seconds and turn to look at the shiny blade. The clock announces the time and, closing my eyes, I position the sharp edge to my neck and count down from 10. It’s ok, Erin. You’ll finally be able to avenge them. It won’t be your fault anymore. Not at all. You’ll be with them...And....not...with...Harry... I accidentally push the blade in too deep and struggle to yank it out. You would’ve thought the smart person who made me stuck like this would allow me to not feel pain. Oh, but I do, and it stings more than isolation of 2 years. I stumble to the ground, the knife going deeper and I struggle to breathe. Maybe this will be my last. Maybe this time I’ll join them. I smile to myself as my eyes close and savour my last breath. Seconds later, I feel as if someone pressed rewind, snatching the knife out of my throat with one clean swipe, and I find myself staring in the mirror now, scarless with no blood, nor the knife, in sight.