of secrets and sadness

1

It should have been a simple mission.

Unsurprisingly, things didn't go as planned. Ezra had detonated the bombs too early,
almost killing the crew in the blast. In the last mission he had, his comm was destroyed by a stormtrooper, so he was borrowing Sabine's. Sabine was using her helmet to stay in contact.

Ezra had thought that he was following the plan: get the bombs planted, get away, and blow them up on Kanan's signal. He finished placing the explosives when he heard his master's voice through the comm. Nothing but a bit of static had come through before then, but he didn't notice it. "Now...," he heard.

The Padawan hit the detonator, watching as the colors and flames jumped up through the air. He didn't see the piece of shrapnel come flying from the blast, and it ripped a cut through his shoulder. That brought him out of his reverie, and he ran towards the Ghost as stormtroopers swarmed the area. He caught sight of Kanan and Zeb pushing the fuel cells as fast as they could towards the ship.

Sabine used her jetpack to push a crate, literally zooming across the hangar. Ezra used his blaster to shoot down stormtroopers and create a path for Kanan and Zeb. Once they made it to the ship, Hera took to open space.

—

They set down a few miles from Capital City on Lothal. Hera left Chopper to watch the scanners, and to let them know if anyone or anything came up.

In the common room, Kanan demanded to know what had happened. "Why didn't you follow the plan? It was about as simple as it gets! We lost a lot of supplies that could have been useful. And you almost killed the three of us!" He exclaimed, rage rolling off of him in waves.

"You said to hit it when you gave the signal!"

"Yeah, and I never got the chance to signal, thanks to your reckless actions! Go to your room, I can't even look at you right now."

"I don't think I should, and you can't ground me."

"Ezra, just go, now. I'm the leader here, and you need to listen to me," Kanan said, standing up.

"Why should I?"

"EZRA, LEAVE."

"YOU'RE NOT MY PARENT!" Ezra screamed at his master, standing up.

Kanan stepped back, shocked. "From what I understand, you have no one left, so you
can go, my padawan ." Kanan retaliated, before leaving the room. Ezra stared after him in shock, holding back tears.

Zeb dug his nails into Ezra's shoulder angrily. "Great job, kid, now we might not get to eat. You can find a new place to sleep, cause you're not staying in my room," the Lasat said, then stalked out.

Sabine just gave Ezra a disappointed look before leaving. Hera just left to go fiddle with the environmental controls.

The blue eyed boy stood in place for a minute. Shaking himself out of his shock, he walked a familiar path to him, down to a nearly full storage room. He knew he would be here for a while, since that was the last mission before they had a break. Ezra wouldn't have a chance to redeem himself for who knows how long.

The door whooshed open, revealing a tunnel through the boxes that was similar to the vents he was known for making his way through. He crawled through to the small area in the back that he created for himself when he first came onto the ship.

There, under a pile of blankets, a knife was hidden. Now that he was alone, he could cry freely. Ezra threw up his mental barriers so it was impossible for Kanan to feel him, let alone find him.

Stripping off the top part of his flightsuit, he looked at his scarred skin and was disgusted. He unsheathed the knife and began to draw on his arm, drawing bright red blood that flowed steadily as he went deeper for the huge mistake he had made. He took a few bandages from his stock and wrapped them around his wrists and the shoulder that had been hit by shrapnel. He created a nest in the blankets, curled up, and fell asleep, only to find nightmares.

—

Around 4 in the morning, Ezra slipped out of his makeshift room, and quietly snuck into his shared room with Zeb. He did a few things quickly, leaving a small note behind, before leaving as if he had never been there.

In the common room, he took another sheet of paper and wrote again.

I'll stay in contact (he grimaced as he wrote the lie) but don't worry about me. I need
some time to think.

Leaving the message on the dejarik table, he set out across the Lothal plains, not glancing back at the ship he thought he could call home.