Before Jurassic World

Chapter 22

I mistakenly assumed the fitting portion of this afternoon would be the worst thing I had to endure. Oh boy, was I wrong. After leaving Bilbo's room Zara whisked me to another room down the hall where there were about 50 people rushing around in what appeared to be organized chaos. The room was divided into sections dedicated to various grooming techniques, but I can honestly say I wasn't sure what was happening in about 90% of the room.

Zara wasted no time depositing me in the first of what would be many, many sections. I was buffed, polished, waxed and plucked to the point of insanity. When one of the minions tried to put me in a spray tan booth I dug my gun out of my backpack and threatened physical violence. A woman can only take so much before she snaps. Zara was able to talk me down with a Snickers bar and some Sour Patch Kids. To keep me sedated the rest of the afternoon she kept a steady flow of sugar and alcohol near me at all times. I needed to get her a Thank You card when this was all over.

The last steps in this torture chamber were hair and makeup. Zara took the liberty of explaining my dress to the hair and makeup artists because when they asked me all I could come up with was it looked like really nice lingerie. Zara's description proved to be a more helpful viewpoint. The three of them made the decision to leave my hair down using large rollers to create "old school Hollywood waves". Whatever the hell that meant. The left side was pinned back using an ornate clip that looked to be made completely out of diamonds. I was really hoping they were fake, but I'm pretty sure the Bvlgari box it came in was a dead giveaway I was wrong.

Getting my makeup done was like being dowsed by a water hose. Since when was makeup applied with an airbrush? The makeup guy went on and on about how my smokey eyes, nude lips, fake eyelashes, and contouring would finish out the look. I had to eat a Kit Kat bar to keep from breaking his arm.

Once I was done with makeup I was given the once over by the ring leader of this freak show and deemed acceptable to be seen in public and was escorted back to Bilbo's room wearing nothing but a short, silk robe. As soon as I walked in the Three Stooges led me to the master suite kindly telling me to remove my robe and every other stitch of clothing I was currently wearing. Considering everything I had been through in the last five hours standing there naked in front of three strangers wasn't really registering on my radar. Plus, since this was the third time they'd seen me naked I was pretty sure it made us practically family. I put on the three-inch stilettos handed to me idly wondering what the height requirements were to officially be considered an Amazon Woman. Considering I was clocking in at 6'2''(ish) right now I probably fit the bill.

Next step was the dress. It was right at seven o'clock and I needed to get down to the party so I could scope everything out before committing corporate espionage. The Three Stooges helped put the dress on and it fit like a second skin leaving very little to the imagination.

I turned around to the mirrors taking in my whole appearance for the first time and had to remind myself to breathe. The face looking back at me in the mirror was a stranger. My normally unruly hair had been tamed and fell in large elegant waves that cascaded down my back, my makeup was flawless and made my normally plain brown eyes look far more exotic than they really were, but the crème de la crème was the dress. I had to hand it to Bilbo, I may not be able to move, eat or sit, but this dress was truly amazing.

"Thank you," I said to Bilbo as she stood beside me admiring her work.

She turned to me giving me a hard look, "Don't fuck it up."

Well, what do you know? She could speak in more than one-syllable words.

I joined Zara in the living room where she presented me with what were undoubtedly more priceless, and very real, diamonds in the form of earrings and a bracelet. Simon probably borrowed them from the Queen of England's private collection or something equally as ridiculous. I had learned to pick my battles today, and going toe to toe with Zara over jewelry wasn't something I really thought I could pull off. Especially wearing nothing but five inches of silk and three-inch heels.