Obliviously Existing

Seth's POV

It was a quiet Saturday afternoon, and I was in catering making myself a cup of coffee in a nearly empty arena. 

I hadn't gotten much sleep this past week due to my mind constantly racing. I was trying to distract myself from the many emotions I was feeling all at once, so I turned to things I knew made me happy.

And spending time in catering was one of them. Even though it got lonely sometimes, I thrived on solitude and having alone time because I truly valued privacy.

But unfortunately, my distraction only lasted for so long, because out of the corner of my eye I saw Randy approaching me. 

I looked to him and he didn't say anything, only repeated my actions.

I rolled my eyes, turning away from him angrily as I started to walk away.

"Look Seth, we need to talk," Randy stated, following after me shortly after.

"Well, hello to you too Randal," I uttered sneeringly as I continued walking away.

"Seth...don't do this," he begged, chasing me down by grabbing a hold of my hand, forcing me to face him.

"Do what?!" I yelled, snatching my hand away.

Suddenly he gasped, and immediately I knew what that meant. 

"Oh my god....what the hell happened to your knuckles?" Randy asked, noticing the bruises on them when I briefly lifted my hand to get out of his grasp.

I scoffed, letting Randy know that his compassion over the current state of my hand wasn't winning me over. 

"Oh this? I just punched a wall because of you. Right after you left," I confessed humorlessly.

Now, he looked upset. His eyes widened.

"Seth...I didn't mean to make you this upset. I'm sorry."

Sorry?! 

Out of all things to say, all Randy could think to say was that? This all just felt like some sick joke. I shook my head, half in disgust and the other in disappointment. 

It was taking everything within me not to explode. So the next thing I said was the only thing that I thought could keep me from doing so.

"Yeah, well...sometimes sorry isn't good enough!" I screamed at him, trying to keep my composure yet failing miserably.

Randy let out a deep breath. I could tell this was frustrating for him too. 

But I couldn't put him before myself in this situation. Sure we both did and said horrible things in that moment, but he was way out of line. I felt that my reaction was how anyone in my shoes would've reacted.

"Seth, I love you okay?! Don't you still love me?" he asked, almost desperate. It was like he was craving my answer. Hanging onto every word I spoke. 

"Loving you was never the problem!" I replied, not giving him the answer he expected. 

I hated to admit this but I didn't feel bad. Randy deserved to feel what I'd been feeling these past couple of months. Like he wasn't good enough and just pure emotional neglect.