Love & Misunderstanding

Chapter Four - Helene's POV

Life seemed bleak to me as I sat in front of the window in Louise's bedroom, staring out at the dreary scenery. I had arrived at the Abbott's estate earlier that afternoon for a regular visit, hoping that by some slim chance, I may be able to have a pleasant conversation with my friend for once, but I really should have known better. I could not remember the last time that I had enjoyed spending time with her. Honestly, I was not even certain if such a time even existed. As always, Louise was complaining about how I had abandoned her and broken my promise. It did not take long before I lost interest in listening to her and resorted to staring out at the fog-shrouded forest

"You gave me your word that you would let me introduce you to no more than three of the contestants! The only men that we talked to were Matthew Caldwell and Jonathan Gilmore, both of which you already know!" she rambled. "Helene, are you even listening to me?"

"Yes, I am listening, Louise," I sighed, turning to face her. "I am sorry, but my father was looking for me."

"Your father is always looking for you!" she declared, throwing her hands up into the air. "How does he expect you to find yourself a husband if he will not allow you to meet anyone?"

In complete honesty, my father rarely ever called for me. I prayed that God would forgive me for that, but I usually used that as an excuse to get away from Matthew Caldwell and his friend. I could understand if he wished to get to know me a bit better, but I dearly wished that he would open his eyes and see that I was not interested in him in the slightest. I also wished that Louise would open her eyes and realize that I had absolutely no desire to get married anytime soon. Do not misunderstand, I have seen many men whom I find more or less desirable. The only problem was that most of them were arrogant and selfish.

"I am unsure of that myself," I said, hoping to convince her that I did have a slight hope for marriage.

"Perhaps I should have James arrange a meeting for you and his elder brother. Matthew Caldwell is a fine gentleman."

I shivered at the thought, "I doubt that James would do such a favour for me. We do not exactly get along the greatest."

"You may be right," she pondered over the issue. "What about Jonathan Gilmore? Is he not the most handsome man you have ever laid eyes on?"

"Jonathan Gilmore?" I let out a small giggle. "I must admit that both he and his elder brother are handsome; however, I do not believe that would work well either. He is a nobleman after all."

"That is true. I imagine that he is already engaged to a different woman. You know how high-society is."

What Louise said was certainly true. In high-society, it seemed that a family's goal in life was to marry their children off to whomever they felt would help them increase in both wealth and rank. The whole ordeal sounded horribly selfish. It might please the parents, but did it honestly please the poor children who would have to tolerate the strangers that they had to live with for the rest of their lives? I doubted that. In my family, our own goal had always been to keep the family alive. If we had wanted to maintain a purely German bloodline, we would have remained in Germany.

Everything out here was so different from what I was originally accustomed to. Since my arrival, nearly thirteen years ago, I had worked feverishly to master the English language, as well as England's many customs and rules of etiquette. There had been many times that I had wanted nothing more than to simply give up and return to our homeland, but deep down I knew that it was unlikely to happen. It seemed that we were destined to spend the rest of our lives stuck in England.

"Yes, I know exactly how society can be," I answered, despite the fact that I was still deep in thought.

I could honestly say that the thought of Jonathan Gilmore being engaged had never before crossed my mind. Thinking back on my conversation with Caroline about him, it had actually sounded as though he was not promised to anyone. In fact, it had almost seemed as though she were to trying to encourage me to get to know him better. As if that was going to happen. I quickly shook that thought from my mind and went back to concentrating on Louise. Why should I care whether he was engaged or not?