Beautiful Poison | Jason McCann |

Chapter 1

| Bella |
: Toxic World

- 1 year ago -

My breathing became unsteady.

My mouth parted.

My hands began to shake.

Was I dreaming? This had to be a nightmare. As it was my worst fear. Losing someone I loved.

Was he really gone? Or was this just his silly little pranks, was he about to walk out of the bathroom brushing his teeth and smirking at me. He only ever treated me like that, no one ever got to see that side to him and so I believed that was what this was. A prank.

But it wasn't. This was reality. Jason had left me, with a simple letter in explanation.

The words continued to play in my head 'Please don't ask for me, look for me and try and find me. I have to do this.'

The first thing I could thing to do was to call him. And so I grabbed my phone, going to my contacts I tapped on his name which followed with a whole lot of hearts and a beautiful picture of his beautiful face.

I held the phone up to my ear, it didn't even ring.

"The number you have called is no longer in service"

I called again. And again. And again. In frustration I threw my phone to my bed, gripping my hair in my hands with a mixture of emotions, tears fell from my eyes. Was this really happening?

Jason made me feel something I had never felt in my whole life. I experienced true love and passion last night as I let him take my virginity, knowing he would treat me in the best way possible. And now, he's left me as soon as I gave it to him? No, this couldn't be.

I rushed over to my balcony window, swinging it open I went on to my balcony peering over to see if his car was parked in the usual spot at the end of the street, something he did to avoid my parents asking questions.

It wasn't there.

I turned around, rushing back in to my room, grabbing my phone I called the only person I knew Jason trusted completely.

I went through my contacts finding Ryan's number. It was the only boy out of his friends that Jason allowed me to have the number of, it showed how much Jason valued and trusted him. They had been best friends since they were children and so I didn't doubt him for a second.

After a couple of rings, he picked up.

"Ryan? Ryan, please tell me Jason is with you" I sounded as if I was pleading however I didn't care, I needed to know Jason was still here.

It was silent on the other end, until finally he spoke.

"He's not here Bella... I'm sorry" he answered. I closed my eyes as tears left my eyes, it was true. "Whe-where is he? Why has he left me Ryan? Did I do something?" I was so confused, I was considering all possibilities even though I knew I hadn't done anything as Jason was just with me. Loving me and I was doing the same back to him, it was so confusing.

"I can't tell you where he is Bella... but I can tell you that you haven't done anything wrong, he's doing this for you." He answered, I could tell he found it difficult to say as he probably knew I was crying.

"But... why didn't he tell me? He just left me a letter and left Ryan... please, tell me where he is" I begged, my eyes flooding with tears.

"I can't Bella, I'm so sorry." He answered. "Are you with him now? Are you going to stay with him now?" I asked, wondering if all of the boys were going to leave as well, for whatever the reason was.

"No, I'm staying. So is everyone else. Jason has asked me, us all, to take care of you Bella. We may not be with you every day as we no longer are going to be school for obvious reasons, but we'll be there. I know this is all hard for you, trust me, it's worse for him, but I'm here, if you need anything Bella, you have to come to me" He explained. None of this made sense. He was somewhere, by himself, the boys were here but no longer in school. I struggled so hard to piece things together as it made no sense. And now he has asked for the boys to take care of me? I thought I was now safe with Jason out of my life, didn't he say that? He did. Although I was so upset, distraught, I grew angry by the fact that he had left me to be by himself, without me. I had no words.

"Listen, I've gotta go, just... don't cry. He has done this for you and all you can do is learn to move on. I promise that you'll be okay. I'm sorry Bella, I'll speak to you soon"

Without giving me the chance to actually reply, he hung up.

I sunk to the floor, sobbing in to my hands as I rested my back against my bed, tears flooding from my eyes as they streamed down my cheeks, I could already feel my eyes going puffy especially as i had only just woken up.

After what felt like forever, I wiped my eyes the best I could with my wrist before reaching up and grabbing the folded letter, I held it in my hands, tracing his handwriting that he always complained about as he believed it was crooked however I would always tell him that those who had the worst handwriting were the cleverest people, it didn't settle with him but it made him smile which is what I longed for every time I was with him.

I wasn't going to see that smile again. The smile that lightened my entire world, as cheesy as it sounds. I believed it lit my whole world as he only ever smiled genuinely, when he was with me. He told me I was the only person that could make him smile with joy alongside his mother who had passed away. Jason had a small dimple which appeared subtly but perfectly. He had smile lines which creased causing his eyes to light up and sometimes, cheeks to tint. He always thought he was the one to notice all of the small things about me however, I did the same too. I noticed every little thing that formed his perfect body.

Something I would never be able to see again.

I placed the letter on the floor in front of me, bring my legs up to my chest before wrapping my arms around them. Staring out of my balcony doors at the bright sky, the houses in front and cars that passed very rarely as I lived in a very quiet area.

This was it.

The guy who believed he made my world toxic was doing the exact same thing by not being in it.