yo okay so
i actually came out to my mother when i was 14 i believe
we were in the mall of america & somehow it came up in conversation & she was all "you like boys, right? or what?"
& i was like oh my god i'm not prepared for this because i literally was JUSt coming to terms with my sexuality after pinpointing it when i was 13
so i owned up to it & i said "i think i like both"
& the bitch goes silent
FOR TEN MINUTES
so i'm like trying not to cry because we're in fucking public
& every now & then i'm like "mom? mom, please say something. mom, i'm sorry"
eventually i do start crying & i can tell she's embarrassed so we end up going to a less crowded area of the mall & she finally speaks
she sort of, whispers? but like with an angry tone? some shit like "stop crying, it's fine, it's just a phase, you'll get over it"
& i'm like BITCH
YOU DID NOT
so obviously that made me cry HARDER & i told the bitch i was like "MOM i am 100% sure of myself it's not some dumb phase this is who i am yada yada yada"
eventually we leave the mall & it was kind of awkward after that idk & when we get back to our hotel she hugs me or whatever & she tells me "it's okay, there's no need to be upset. i just think this is a phase you're going through"
like thanks mom that doesn't help at all
so the next day i guess she tries to make up for making me cry & she takes me to a really cute local coffee shop & we have a nice time talking i guess
then on the ride home the bitch BRINGS IT UP AGAIN
& i'm just like stop this is making me very uncomfortable
like the entire time i was praying she wouldn't bring it up & start scolding me for it again or whatever
so anyways yea. that was my first time coming out to her
which brings us to NOW
she still has this mindset that i'm her perfect straight daughter. even my father has called her out on this multiple times, but she literally only lets me hang out with girls or gay guys, which is ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS
yesterday night for example i told her my friend august was picking me up & taking me out to dinner. she flips her shit & says "what, like a date? who is this boy? what's his full name?" & i'm like "mother it's not a date, august is gay." & then she's like "okay have fun!!!" LIKE BITCH WHAT
& it's the same with girls, she'll let me go anywhere & do anything with any girl i mention because she believes i'm her perfectly straight daughter. but god forbid i mention a male friend of mine, she'll lose it.
i sort of understand where she's coming from with the male friend situation, though; she found out about how my ex boyfriend (who she did know about & was eventually fine with) abused me, pressured me into sexual situations, cheated on me, & sort of contributed to this awful mental state i was & have been in for the past few months. ever since then she hasn't really wanted me around guys which is understandable.
but shit it just makes me afraid now to ever tell her i'm bisexual because i know for a fact she'll treat female friends of mine the same way. she literally won't let me hang out with friends who aren't gay males or straight girls (then again she assumes every female is straight so it won't be that huge a deal i guess)
or maybe she won't even let me have female friends because she'll know i like girls & just the thought of that will be enough to push her to her limit lol
so yea! that's my little coming out story or whatever you wanna call it.
super depressing & exhausting for me, especially considering she makes an unreasonably huge deal over how "okay" she is with lgbt+ people. she loves & supports my gay/transgender friends but that's about it; god forbid she has an lgbt+ child.
yea it's ridiculous & super toxic & i'm tired of it lolz bye
