Where My Home Is

Preface

The day came when I decided to get on that plane and, travel across the ocean to an unknown territory. Not so much unknown really, as I've often spent vacations in the summer time in the country-sides. However, that city was unknown to me. And, I chose it because it had everything I thought I needed. Large enough to find a job, close to the ocean, so that I can be near the water, and close enough proximity to my favorite country-side destinations. Cosmopolitan enough, fashionable enough and, full of things to do. After all, I didn't want to just move into some tiny little town and knit sweaters. Though sometimes, while living in New York City, I often felt that way. To run away somewhere far and, listen to the quiet. I was so tired of New York. The noise, the crowds, the constant tussle.

I remember my last days before the flight. I was finishing my ESL Teacher certification and took the train to Manhattan every day from Long Island. I remember getting off the train in Penn Station and watching the stampede of people rushing to the subways. Unaware of what's going on around them, hurrying to get to work, school, whatever. An unconscious homeless person passed out on the pavement. Just laying there. Everyone's oblivious. I wondered if he was dead. As I made my way toward the stairs to exit the train station, I saw two cops making their way toward the homeless man. I wondered what were they going to do with him? The usual everyday scene in the New York City subway.

I walked briskly to make it in time for my 9:00am class. As I passed the rush hour crowds down 34th Street, I noticed how much dirtier the city got since Mayor Giuliani was in the Office. There was garbage flying around the sidewalks, pigeon crap on top of lamp posts, peculiar smells coming from out of nowhere and, homeless people begging for money. Whatever happened to my darling New York City? The place I used to love so much. The place I used to couldn't imagine I would ever leave? I was disgusted. I longed to get on that plane as soon as possible.

Thanksgiving was approaching fast. I've finished school, got my CELTA certificate, signed in blood, as it was the hardest course I have ever completed even for me, a college graduate. I sold most of my stuff, and donated things I could not sell. Just doing that felt so liberating. During "the purging project", as I called it, I didn't realize how much stuff I acquired. It felt liberating to be able to let go of all of those objects. I even sold my Cannon camera which I so much loved. I really wanted to travel light.

So, on the day before the flight, there I was, two, tightly packed suitcases. One large red, one medium black. In my hand, passport and my purse. I was pretty well organized for my flight to Europe, while my entire life was neatly fit in two, humble suitcases.

I said my good byes to everyone I knew. All my friends, and the little family I had left. Which was my brother and my mom. We drove to Newark because JFK was so booked up for the holidays and the flights were so expensive. My family walked me to the ticketing area, where I checked in and dropped off my bags. It was time to get on the plane and say my last good byes. I couldn't believe it. I was actually doing this. I was moving to Europe to live there. Not just to go on vacation and come back with presents. To actually work, live, have an apartment and pay bills. That was truly scary. I didn't know one single person there and nobody was going to be greeting me at the airport when I landed. I was to take a taxi and go straight to the hotel. The plan was to stay there for five days while looking for a small flat for rent.

Was I insane or what? Why didn't I just pick Texas or Tennessee or Connecticut? Why did it have to be all the way in Europe?

"Bye, mom" I quietly mumbled something under my nose.

"Don't cry." She said. "Because if you cry, then I will cry and then Tom is going to cry and, then we are all going to cry."

"Ok" I said. I tried really hard not to cry and forced my tears back to where they came from, but my jaw still trembled.

I hugged my mom and my brother one last time, then grabbed my purse and ran off for the security check point. I turned away one more time to look at them. They were standing there. Smiling, waving. Mom wearing a dark winter jacket, very sporty for her age. And Tom his big, cotton white sweatshirt. No jacket. Because he is always warm. They looked happy, as if though everything was alright. Janet was going for a short vacation, wasn't she? She will be back in two weeks. That's the face expression they had on their faces. But, I wasn't coming back anytime soon. We all knew that. The project "crazy move across Europe to teach English as a Second Language" was to last six months to a year. I was diving into a new chapter of my life and they were helping me to turn the page.

I sat at the airport lounge and waited for my flight. In my hand a book I just purchased at the newsstand: "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Ruben. Funny that the title of the book had the word "happiness" in it. At that time, I felt like I was happy where I was in life. But I longed for something more, so purchasing a book I could read on the plane with a word "happy" in it was intriguing to me. That day, I began my very own Happiness Project.

The evening flight was long and arduous. I couldn't hide the fact that I was nervous about the unknown and what's it going to be like when I get off the plane. I was trying to be the very best, smart version of myself. I simply pretended that I got this. That I was not afraid to move to a new country. That I have everything under control. Typical New York City attitude! I got it! After all, that is how I've survived living in the 9-million people Metropolis all these years. Otherwise, I would have been just pushed to the side. Like a small lamb feverishly charging for its master, only to be ran over by bigger, stronger sheep.

The thing is, if you want to live in New York City and, be able to survive, you have to be a fighter. That's why I became one. And, it was with that warrior mentality that I dove into my new life adventure.