Where My Home Is

Chapter 4

Well, the rabbit never came and, I woke up with a feeling that if I didn't have my cup of coffee immediately I was going to die. Or faint. Or not able to get dressed and leave this miniature room fit for a mouse.

"Well, hello!! Didn't you know you were in Europe? Where things were much smaller than in America?That's for once. Second, you aren't in New York City anymore. Where you can find a cup of coffee to go practically anywhere and even a local NYC pigeon would deliver." That was me talking to myself by the way.

"Right. So, how do I find a "friggin" cup of coffee in this place?" Me again.

Listen up! I need a large cup of "cauwfee". Do you hear me? Huge, enormous cup of coffee with half and half and one packet of organic cane sugar. And, an anti-burn sleeve, please. So that my hand can be extra comfy when I'm walking on the streets, holding the cup.

"Hi, how are you?" I walked into a small café on Dluga Street. "Um, can I please order a very large cup of coffee to go?"

Young girl, with dark hair and ponytail, looked at me strangely. There was no one in the restaurant. It was 9:00am. "Madame, we don't have coffee to go."

"No cauwfee to go?" I said with a bewildered face and eyes and mouth wide opened. "Hmmm, well, can I order the largest cup you have?"  

"Sure." She says. "Why don't you sit down, Madame?"

Sit down? I thought, wow, she was nice. She wanted me to sit down while she made my coffee. Not like, in Starbucks, where you wait in line, while being pushed and shoved by people with briefcases and laptops until they call your name.

"Ok." I said cheerfully. "Sure. Thank you!"

So, I sat there, and I waited.

And, waited. And, waited. And, waited. 

I waited and thought, what was taking so long? For goodness sake, was she grinding the coffee with her teeth? Was she kidnapped?

OK. Maybe she fell asleep. I mean it is only 9am.

Then, I thought to myself: "Well, if she doesn't bring me my extra-large cup of coffee with half and half right now, I will fall into a coma and forget who I am and never leave."

Eventually she did come back.

Ceremonially, she put a tiny, brown porcelain cup and saucer on the table.  Next to it was a small packet of white sugar, a miniature dark chocolate and a minuscule spoon. Under the cup, a minute paper napkin was placed. It had folklore design and embroidered etching.

I needed a magnifying glass to be able to admire the details of this elegant presentation.  But because my thirst for coffee was so overwhelming, at this point, all I could focus on was the brown, frothy liquid inside the cup.

"Here is your coffee, Madame. That'll be 12PLN. And, here is the check."

She smiled and, walked away.

As I sat there, I looked at the cup. Then, I looked at the spot where she came from. Then, I looked at the cup again. Then I said: "What?" I thought that the Alice in Wonderland episode was over. Was I hallucinating or sleepwalking? How am I supposed to get out of my morning coma with two drops of coffee? A serving made for a Lilliput!  

There was nobody in the restaurant. I sat there alone and pondered at this awkward situation. Quickly, I downed the hot coffee, tilting my head back, just like a hospital patient takes their medicine. Some would politely say, I drank it in one gulp. I paid my bill and left feeling disheartened to face the cold morning on Dluga Street. No paper coffee cup in my hand, as I'd imagined.

Later on, I looked for it on every single street around the hotel until my tongue got stuck inside the top of my mouth. By the time I finished looking for the elusive "large coffee to go", I was hallucinating and seeing walking, adult size, coffee beans.

It was time to move on to a new adventure.

I thought: "I shall text my new landlords and move in to my new flat tonight, where each morning I will be able to brew all the coffee I want. And, maybe even bathe in it!"

I was hoping the stupid rabbit wasn't going to follow me. I was tired of seeing things...

I wondered what my new landlords were going to be like. Normal size, I hoped.