First Rain

Chapter 3

He turned his heels, but paused his track for a moment and took a glance over his shoulder towards my direction. Then he was truly gone. The lonely and empty feeling slowly creeped into my soul. But somehow i liked this feeling.

I just stared at the horizon which already painted with a dazzling twilight as the sun slowly fell down.

It's funny.

I envied the sun. She was about to 'die' temporarily yet she still served us with a picturesque view of a beautiful color gradations which had already formed on the horizon. Painting the empty sky into 4 shades; baby blue, violet, peach and lastly reddish yellow, right after she let her body being buried down for good moments before showing up again her smile the next new date. Its time for her to took a rest. Thank you sun, you worked hard today.

Could i stop the moment? And let this heavy burden got off from my shoulder?

I thought it was more than enough. I couldn't bare it any longer. Why i couldn't be like that sun? She has at least someone; me, who appreciated her hardwork.

Meanwhile me?

My parents never appreciated everything i did. They controlled my happiness, i couldn't shine, i couldn't walk properly with my own step. Even i was about to fell asleep, there's none who would tell me 'you've worked hard'. These beautiful words never be spoken by another mouth, except mine. Even when i woke up the next day, my presence felt meaningless, i would do something that i liked but got nothing except hatred.

Took a deep breath, locked my eyes,

"Walk forward, gain reward" – I chanted. Shoot my eyes open and stared at the sparkling dots outside. The skyscrapers turned into colorful dots of light as the sky turned dark and darker.

Have you ever feel, you liked being alone but hate to feel a scary feeling called loneliness?

Yap, I felt that every single time.

I liked to be alone but hate to felt alone. But when i swam into 'crowded-ness' i felt more lonely. It just felt like i talked to my self and there was thousands of whispers. This feeling has no ends.

Im the type who never got success in starting a conversation and never knew how to respond a conversation. The only thing i experted at was making a joke. I liked to see people around me laugh and happy. Ain't a talker, imma observer. I always think twice before letting out words from my mouth. If i didn't do that, it would always ended up into something i would regret right after the words spilled out from my mouth. Though i ain't said any bad of hurtful things, i still felt like 'i shouldn't say that','what if i hurt their feeling?' 'what if i look stupid by my words?' 'what if they don't like my comments?' and another 'what if...'

I was always observing people expression when i was inside a conversation or inside a circle of people. I could easily knew what they felt. I couldn't expressing my feeling well. And i couldn't tell pople what i felt inside either. It's was hard for me. Though i felt hurt, i just kept it inside. Threw an innocent smile, tried to shrugged it off. But it would end up pushing me down into my own blackhole, my black alley. But i thought i already used to it.

I was in my deep thought till i heard someone was cracking my door open. I came to my sense and a halfmoon smile came from my mouth.

"Baby!" he sang while putting me into his warm embrace. I circled my right arm around his torso. Though the dust was glued on his black suit, the mint-cinnamon scent still dominating my nose.

"How are you doing, baby?" He questioned, arm still hugging my petite body, tilting his head to met my eyes.

"Doing fine, i guess. Just broke some bones?" I shrugged. "Clumsy as ever" He stroked my hair messily and broke the hug.