Artificial Water

Chapter 35🥀

Kyungsoo

The next week was made out of realising what had happened and fading bruises. Jongin went back to work and I stayed home to keep up with school work. I hadn't visited the building every since and wasn't ready yet to go to a place where everyone would be talking about Joonwoo's disappearance. Cause that was what it was. He wasn't dead nor alive, just gone. I am not sure if I will every find out if I really ended Joonwoo's life or not. A part of me wanted him to still walk around on this earth but at the same time I didn't want to be afraid that he could show up again some day. I had been thinking more about my mother these days as well and I couldn't help the need to see her again. Even if it would just be one time. To remember what she looked like. How her black hair framed her delicate face as her full lips formed a smile. Yes, just once to not remember her like the woman I have known since dad passed away.

I took a deep breath and turned the page of the maths book, reading the next question. For some reason I couldn't focus on work today. My mind kept wandering to thoughts about Jongin. I knew he wanted everything to go back to normal but I, on the other hand, wanted him closer than ever. Every morning when he leaves the warmth of the bed to get ready, I hold back the urge to run after him out of the house and crash into his arms. The evenings filled with cuddles weren't enough to fill the emptiness I felt. Especially now he stayed out until darkness took over, leaving me to eat dinner alone.

I groaned and shove the book away from me over the table as a key being turned in a lock was audible. The door was pushed open and I lowered my head, my fingers tangled in my hair. Jongin didn't say anything, the only sound coming from his footsteps, while he made his way towards the kitchen. The chair next to mine was being pulled back and the soft squeaking announced he had taken a seat. "I didn't know homework was that horrible," he spoke with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

I lifted my head to look at him and realised he would never know how much he did to me by just talking. If he could look into my body, he would be able to see the chaos he created, the pounding of my heart whenever he touched me and the tingling in my stomach when I stared at his lips. It was something only I would truly know. "Jongin," I whispered. Sudden sadness washed over me as I looked into his eyes. "I need you."

Confusion was written on his face for a moment before his brows drew together. He reached out a hand and brushed his knuckles against my cheek. "I am sorry."

I was surprised to hear him apologise and I didn't understand why he did. Maybe he knew the reason behind my sorrow better than I did yet. I leaned into his touch, but he moved back before standing up. "I'm gonna change."

I watched him disappear into his bedroom before raising to my feet and following him. When I reached the threshold I could see he had taken his shirt off already, exposing his tanned chest. I bit my lip and walked into the room, leaning against the door with my back to close it. "Where have you been?" My voice was less steady as I hoped it would be. "I waited for you."

Jongin turned his face to me before diverting his gaze again. "I told you I am sorry."

"Are you hiding something from me?" Hundred ideas of what he could have done crossed my mind. One worse than the other. "Tell me."

"I went to Hayoon cause she asked me to," he explained.

My eyebrows drew together as I lowered my head. "You didn't even call me," I spoke softly, my voice dripping with hurt.

Jongin sighed and moved closer to touch my arm. "Soo, I..." He seemed to hesitate before continuing. "The thing is that I didn't feel like myself this week."

"What do you mean?" I looked up at him like the answer was written on his face.

"After what happened with Joonwoo I felt like I failed you miserably." His eyes narrowed as he stared at something next to me. "I couldn't do anything to protect you and I felt horrible. Like the worst person ever."

I grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze. "How can you think like that? It wasn't your fault."

He flashed me a small smile. "You can say what you want, but it's how I feel. I failed. End of story."

"Not in my eyes," I assured him. "You helped me more than anyone ever did or would do and I will always be thankful for it."

Jongin pulled his hand free and cupped my face. "You are so strong. You saved yourself every time again. Don't you see?"

I wanted to shake my head but he held my face in a firm grip. It wasn't uncomfortable nor painful. "No."

"You saved your mother with saving yourself and you also saved me," he summarized while his thumbs rubbed circles on my cheeks. "You have been able to take care of yourself all along and it took me this long to realise it."

"Thank you." Out of all the possible answers in my head, this came out of my mouth. I wasn't used to people telling me I was strong and it was overwhelming.

Suddenly I was very aware of Jongin's bare chest. It wasn't like I had never seen him like this, he slept without a shirt on too, but now the tingling in my stomach was back as I looked at his abs. The way the lines sunk deep into his skin to show the muscles made me want to reach out and touch them. My eyes trailed down and noticed his jeans were hanging low on his hips, his v-line obviously visible.

Jongin caught me staring and grabbed my wrist, making me look up to meet his eyes. His lips curled into a smirk, "let's change."