Artificial Water

Chapter 37🥀

Kyungsoo

I was supposed to feel scared, angry or sad. Anything but nothing. But here I was standing in front of the small green painted wooden gate, feeling numb. My hand was resting on the fence to stop it from shaking. It was like my body had the fear my mind should feel but didn't have. The last time I had been here was when I had stabbed someone. I wondered what had happened after I left, but too many scenario's were possible. My head was spinning as images started to rise to the surface. I was grateful for meeting Jongin, even though something bad had to happen first. I won someone with it who cared about me more than anyone could these days. 

"Are you okay?" Jongin's deep voice asked from behind me as he placed his hand on my shoulder. 

I nodded and looked back at him, "I guess I am. Thanks for coming with me."

"Of course, baby." He spoke with a smile. "I would never let you go back alone."

I returned the smile before pushing the gate open, revealing the path that led up to the front door. My heart was beating like crazy as I took a step toward the house. I couldn't go back anymore, no matter what I would see when I entered. My fingers were curled around the key in my pocket, painfully pressing against my skin and probably leaving red marks. Everything was so familiar it hurt and I had to grab Jongin's hand, who squeezed it in return. 

I looked up at the house and noticed the curtains were pulled close at every window, no light peeking through. For the first time I realised I could have come when no one was home. It hadn't crossed my mind yet that I could be confronted with an empty house. I took the key out and stuck it in the lock, taking a deep breath before turning it, hearing the click that announced it was unlocked. I kept staring at the door like someone would open it and Jongin pulled his hand back to place it on my back. 

I reached out and pushed the door open. The hall was empty apart from a mirror that hung at the wall, a pair of shoes and jackets. The whole house was silent enough to be scary and I could hear my own ragged breathing. It felt chilly and unwelcoming.

"So this is where you lived. It's quite... cold." Jongin remarked as he looked around. 

"I agree." Surely if there was someone home that person would come to see who was talking, right? "It feels like ages ago."

He turned to me, "a lot has happened." 

"Isn't it wrong?" I wondered as I traced the border of the mirror with my finger, dust sticking to the skin. 

"Why would it be?" Jongin questioned. His figure was less visible in the dark hallway and I had to grab his arm to remind me I wasn't alone. With my other hand I flicked the light on.

"It's more likely to forget it," I replied. "Bad days shouldn't be forgotten. You should-"

"Learn from them," Jongin finished my sentence. "You are right."

I placed my hand on the wall while walking further down the hall, Jongin following closely. This house held all of my memories inside of it. Good and bad, childhood and teenage years, my father and mother. Everything.

The door was ajar and I noticed a soft light was seeping through the crack. I stopped immediately in my tracks, Jongin almost bumping into me. Fear suddenly washed over me and it was like all the feelings I was supposed to feel earlier came at once.
Jongin gently pushed me aside as he moved forward, pushing the door open.

I walked into the living room and stared at the figure sitting on the couch. "You..."

The man looked up but his expression was dull, drained of emotions. He kept silent as he stared down at the floor again. It scared me. His hair was a mess and his eyes looked like he hadn't had a good night sleep in ages. His white shirt smeared with something dark underneath a thin jacket.

"Where's mom?" I asked, my voice nothing more than a whisper, sensing something was odd. 

I wanted to move forward to get the answer out of my mother's boyfriend, but Jongin reached out to get a hold of my wrist. "He won't answer you." 

I yanked my arm back, breathing heavily. "I need to know."

Jongin looked at me with a mixture of hurt and pity. "Baby..." 

I didn't hear what else he wanted to say because I was already rushing back to the hall, my hand grabbing for the railing as my feet struggled to walk the steps. I heard my name being called and another pair of footsteps on the stairs, but I didn't listen.

"Kyungsoo, wait!" Jongin caught my arm and pulled me to a stop. "Don't just run through the house like a maniac. You never know-"

"Know what?" I cut him off. "What I am gonna find?" I bit my lip before continuing. "I think I know what it will be."

"Just please..." he was still holding my arm, his fingers curled around the material. "Let me go with you." 

I didn't reply but he let go of me and we walked further together. His big hand took mine in his and rubbed the skin with his thumb. "I'm scared," I admitted. 

"I know," he replied. "That's why I am here. I will always be." 

I looked him in the eye before pressing the handle down of the master bedroom door. It swung open and revealed a dark room, curtains keeping the sunlight out. A figure laying on the bed was visible and I recognised it immediately. Instead of turning the lights on, I slowly pulled the curtains aside to let a sunbeam go over the sheets. I felt my body starting to tremble as reality started to sink in.

Jongin looked from me to the body before heading over to where I was standing and wrapping his arms around me. "Don't look."

I let my tears run down as I held onto Jongin like my life depended on it. I had expected this but for some reason seeing it with your own eyes was different. It was all painfully real. All I wanted was to see her one more time, but not like this. I wanted her to smile and tell me she was sorry about everything so I could say sorry about the things I regretted. I was too late. "I need to see her." 

Jongin let go of me reluctantly, "are you sure?" 

I nodded and turned to the bed, slowly inching closer. With the back of my hand I wiped the tears away so my sight wouldn't get blurry. There she was. Laying on the bed with her dress spread out across the sheets. Her skin was alarmingly white. Dried blood was sticking under her nose and a bit of vomit at the corner of her mouth. I looked away, feeling nauseous.

"Overdose," Jongin spoke softly. He probably didn't think I would hear him. His eyed landed on something beside of her body and picked the pile up. "I think these are meant for you." 

I took the papers from him and noticed the top one had written something on it. 'For my dear Kyungsoo.'

I turned back to my mother and noticed her parted lips were curled up in a smile.