My Home is Where You Are: A Maedhros/OC Fanfiction

Chapter 5: Searching for You

The large feast had every kind of food imaginable, including dishes I had yet to taste. The Teleri in particular always seemed to bring a new kind of food for each festival. As usual, the many unique delicacies I tried were a delight. However, the thought of Lilótëa continued to linger and distract my attention from the flavours that others insisted I give my opinions on. Dinner would have been more pleasant if I was not compelled to look every direction for the sweet, golden-haired girl, for I did not succeed once.

Caurëawen Lisseva, why must you torture me so? Who would have thought that you— so gentle and fair, would torment me like this?

The silver table, now being cleared of food and plates, seemed to go on forever, although I was well aware it did not go as far as the forests. Some decided to leave the table, while others remained seated, including myself. My mother sat to my right, with Atar at her other side. Káno was to my left, along with the rest of my brothers.

Across from us was Arafinwë's family. With every face lit with gaiety, I could not deny the fact that I alone felt discontent. The laughter sounded hollow and passingly filtered through my ears, as if I were unable to listen to anything joyful. Even Atar released some of his suppressed laughter from its cage and gave his lips the freedom to smile.

After spotting Lilótëa, I had hoped she would come to us— to me— since Elenwë was present in our small group. Perhaps she did not wish to be near me again... and I had intimidated her too much. Even as everyone dispersed, I could not find the sisters anywhere near or away from the table.

I watched more and more chairs become empty and the food disappear. As no hungry mouth proceeded to swallow the leftovers down, I imagined them knowing what it was like to endure rejection. During different points, Káno and Findo both asked if I was doing alright. After brief assurances that I was only in a mood of pondering, they went back to their conversations.

Feeling more than a little unsociable, I began a solitary walk, passing by my family and the people I knew. When one gave me a nod or a greeting, I dutifully returned it while masking my true emotions. How absurd the idea was—to be so distracted by a maiden I barely knew. But nothing could make me change how I found her beauty incomparable to any other. From past experiences, the time I spent with ladies who perfected their posture and silently pleaded for a dance lasted no longer than an entire evening. When it came to Lilótëa, I could not bear for her to join that crowd of forgotten, anonymous women.

Now that Laurelin's light began to decrease, the musicians took up their instruments and played sounds that quickly livened everyone's spirits to a greater level. The music carried far— this I noticed as I strayed further from the merrymaking.

All I wanted was to study the intricate designs on her pale blue and soft pink dress more closely. I wanted her to tell me more stories of her family with confidence, as if she knew me for years. She proved to be the only one who could heal my distraught mind. My laughing cousins could not fully fix me, nor could my aunts, uncles, friends or grandparents. No matter how hard I tried to focus on the excitement before me, the evening was not complete without her.

My explanation to Káno and Findo was not a lie. I soon became lost in the greenery and unbroken quietness, which let me descend into my musings. While resting against a tree and staring up at the sky, voices faded away. I payed no attention to how much time I spent there; nothing mattered more than the words and images my mind spoke of.

I lived in a dream, until it occurred to me that it must have been close to the Mingling of the Lights. Soon we would all come to watch the moment when gold and silver reached the same amount of soothing brightness. Yavanna would stand between the trunks as Vána announced her traditional, short speech dedicated to our beloved Trees.

In order to prepare myself for the crowds again, I took a turn for the forest. Surely with another walk, I would soon find my way back to reality.

* * *

Shadows danced over her hair and deeply concentrated face as she worked on her crown of flowers. It had been a few hours since she finished eating and quietly left the merrymaking without anyone noticing. The Vanya weaved long blades of grass into a braid, slinking each around the bendable, thin branches. After the grass and twigs were complete, she laid her hand protectively over a bed of violet lobelias, which she'd picked herself. All that was left was to add the flowers for the finishing touches.

All alone with her thoughts and the forest foliage, Lilótëa could not feel more secure and content of mind. Only one thing disturbed that contentment— her returning thoughts of the red-haired prince. Of course, she expected him to be present at this gathering. But even as she tied the first flower's stem on, Lilótëa still had to get accustomed to how close they currently were to each other. Not only that, but his stare with those alluring silver eyes stayed sharp in her memory, refusing to leave. 

When she watched Elenwë converse with Prince Turukáno, she wondered why Ilúvatar had chosen her to be so prone to the awkwardness of socializing. If her personality was more like Elenwë's, she perhaps would have been talking with Nelyafinwë instead of hiding in the trees. Courage would not fail her, and she would seek the right time to initiate the most pleasant conversation with such a high-ranked man. Perhaps, Eru willing, there would even be a chance to dance with him.

But that was possible only in her wildest fantasies, in the private boundaries of her mind.

After eleven minutes passed, nine flowers adorned the circle of woodland nature. She stood up on her bare feet and put the crown on her head gently, as if the petals would come loose and drift onto the forest floor. Lilótëa walked through the maze of smooth tree trunks. To a viewer, she would appear like palpable air.

Touching a trunk, she stopped to study the patches of blue in the leafy canopy. Being so near to the Trees, Laurelin's faint gold light sparkled and flickered as the leaves shook from the breeze. Next to it, she could see hints of silver as well, for Telperion was beginning to wake. There were rare things in Valinor that rivalled the majesty of this sight.

A voice shook her out of her trance. "This area is so simple yet full of wonder, is it not?"

Oh, there was competition between the Light and the Noldo. His enchanting smile caused her to stare almost too long. She was dumbfounded from two things: the curse of her ever-present shyness, and his sudden appearance. She wished to stand face-to-face with nobody but him.