From Death to Life- Book One

Ch. 38- Death Doesn't Let You Say Goodbye

"The boundaries which divide life from death are the best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends, and where the other begins?" - Edgar Allan Poe

"Death doesn't let you say goodbye, it just carves holes in your life, in your future, in your heart." - Sense8// Riley

Four days later...

I never imagined that I had to go to another funeral in my lifetime. I already had to say goodbye to my parents two years ago and it was the worst day of my life. Their death made everything numb that it was like I couldn't grieve them properly. I remember everyone telling me that they are sorry for my loss but they didn't know what it was like to lose both my mother and father. I knew what it was like to lose two loved ones at once so I was going to make sure that I was there for Sebastian and Ellie. 

It's not just those two who lost them, it was the whole kingdom that lost Christian and Audrey. I thought that after I killed Agnes that everything was going to get better, but it hasn't. I believed that all of us could finally be able to breathe again as there wasn't a war that was going on anymore, but I was so wrong. This pain in my chest is growing every minute that I don't know how much I can take it anymore. 

I took a deep breath as I stared at myself in the mirror in front of me. I had on a black dress that ended at my knees and heels the same color. My hair was held up in a ponytail except for only a strand on either side of my face. I looked into the mirror but it was not me that was staring back. I realized that I couldn't recognize myself from before I turned into a vampire and that terrifies me. The girl that used to get excited when she got a new book to read is no longer me. And I wish that I could be that girl again because I'm not sure whether I like the new me. 

My life has been filled with death and sadness and I wish that I could go back in time so I wouldn't have to feel like this. That the guilt that I was feeling wouldn't be there to make me feel that I was responsible for what happened to them. I just want everything to go back to the way it was before all of this, but I know that I will never be the same again. 

I snapped out of my thoughts as I felt two hands wrap around my waist. I turned my lips into a sad smile as I realized that it was Sebastian that was holding me. He kissed my collarbone with his soft lips and I closed my eyes for a second as he touched me. I opened my eyes again and I turned my body to him as he was still holding onto me. I wrapped my hands around the back of his neck as Sebastian looked me up and down with his eyes and he smiled back at me. "You look beautiful darling." he complimented as he was inches away from me. 

I knew that he was trying to put up a brave face for everyone because that's what he always does. But I could tell that he was trying his hardest to not break down. I mean, we are putting his mother and brother to rest today. Sebastian was there for me through everything so I was going to make sure that I am right beside him. "Thank you." I told him sadly. There was something about this day that I wasn't looking forward to because I'll have to say goodbye to the ones that were once alive. 

I noticed that he paused for a moment as he darted his eyes away from me to avoid my gaze before staring into my eyes again. "How did you do this?" he asked while he let out a sigh. "How did you make it through the day?" he asked again in a low voice. 

I didn't say anything as I was thinking for an answer but truth is that I didn't know how I managed to stay strong during my parents funeral. "When my parents died, it felt like a part of me died with them." I started to say while I took a breath. Sebastian was listening to me closely as I opened my mouth to speak again. "I have no idea what I did during their funeral. I guess with a little help from my aunt and Jackson, I felt a little better." I admitted.