Blurry Vision ∷ Daredevil; Matthew Murdock

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oops i did it again
also i realized that its my depression that inspires me to write :D
also unpopular opinion but panics new album isnt as good as the other ones, but theres a few good bops on it

Chapter 61

After I went back to the table, it was very quiet. Not an awkward or tense silence, but a knowing one.

As soon as I sat down Matthew's expression was very neutral, but the fact that his glass was empty wasn't the best sign. I don't blame him, I was taking a long sip while he avoided 'eye' contact.

"How do you want to handle this... situation?"

He appears caught off guard by my voice judging by his reaction—almost choking on a piece of garlic bread. After taking a few seconds to recover, he finally starts to laugh dryly at my question.

"You want me to tell you what to do?"

"I want you to suggest what I should do," I correct, "Since you don't seem to agree with how I would do it."

"Turn them in to the police–"

"Not an option."

Clearly frustrated by my response he leans forward across the table, "You asked for my suggestion, there you go."

I lean forward as well, and watch as he clenches his jaw, "And I told you that wasn't an option... there you go."

"You are so frustrating."

"You're not exactly a walk in the park yourself, Matthew."

He sighs heavily and leans back into the seat, clearly exhausted by our arguments endlessly circling around. It's as if the middle ground is completely lost to us.

"Let's... talk about something else." No. Why the hell would I want to have any other conversation with you? This is ridiculous.

I tilt my head in confusion at his suggestion, "The whole point of me agreeing to sit in the fancy ass restaurant with you is so–"

"–we wouldn't have to bare our teeth at each other... I'm aware that I haven't been a gentleman as of late." Oh cut the nice guy bullshit, Murdock. If we weren't in public we would both have busted knuckles by now.

I blankly stare at him, unsure if I heard him correctly. Did he just say he hasn't been a gentleman? Am I hearing things? There is no way in hell this is his form of an apology after calling me a murderer.

He awkwardly chuckles, clearly uncomfortable with my silence, "What have you been doing lately?"

"Avoiding you." I didn't even think before the comment snapped from my mouth, but I guess it's true. Rude, but true.

He raises his eyebrows and I sigh rubbing the bridge of my nose, "Savior was getting a shipment of E two days ago, you interrupted me stopping it. They were taking it to be distributed at the shipyard, Docks 17, but you beat the shit out of the drivers and dragged me away from my mission."

"Your mission?" He scoffs and I glare lightly at him, "I've never heard of a mission that required you hiding in the back of a van with two dead bodies."

"And here I thought you read my file." My words come out more bitter then I originally intended.

He purses his lips together forming a tight line, but before he can begin lecturing me, the waiter returns to finally take our orders.

I barely focus on what's being said and instead my mind just analyzes every action the blind man does. The little things.

The tiny tick in his jaw as he gets frustrated. The way he clenches his fists—not too tight as to show the white of his knuckles, but tight enough that he could throw a punch if he had to. Don't get me started on his posture, clearly attempting to show dominance by how straight up and down he sits.

That, or he's uncomfortable. Or both.

He's so tense, he's been tense since I've got here. Whether that's because of me, or because he can hear everything that's going on around us, no one can truly say. Or at least I can't fucking tell.

I just want him to realize how idiotic he's being so I can go home and put on sweatpants.

I feel like the first half of this dinner has been an uphill battle, I'm definitely not winning. He's refusing to even humor me, and now he just changes the subject completely to be more civil, now he's about to lecture me again.

What can I do so he can see my side of the story? Sierra is the current scum of the earth along with Savior and Fabian. She goes behind her family's back and fucks with my life—she is an absolute bitch and she's going to get what's coming to her.

Maybe he doesn't see my side because of how aggressive I'm being... shit. Do I have to use my baby voice with him? Is that the way I can get him to understand?

We finish ordering and as soon as Andrew walks away Matt's fake smile is wiped clean, "Do not get me started on your file."

"If it's the number of people I have killed, that is incorrect. They throw in a random number incase the file leaks to avoid tracking."

Although that seems to relax him slightly, he still remains tense, "Your uncle?"

Oh you are barking up the wrong tree, asshole.

"I already told you months ago about what happened. He beat me almost everyday... and I got sick of him treating me like shit." My words are laced with venom, and he seems taken aback by this. It's not like this is news to him, I already shared that sob story with him.

"So you killed him?"

"Yes."

"And you want to kill Fabian?"

"Fuck yes."

He leans back in his seat, mulling over the information, "Anyone you don't want to kill?"

I'm not amused by his sarcastic tone, "You're slowly making your way off that list."

"Like I was ever on it."

"Trust me, if you weren't, you'd already be dead."

His lips part to retort, but he catches himself and instead just chucked deviously; clearly not taking that threat seriously. If he could see the knives I'm glaring into his smug face, he wouldn't be so cocky.

"Your time away from SHIELD is really making you soft."

Those words hit me like a bullet, sudden and unexpected. I was expecting some sort of snappy comment from him, but not a straight up insult.

I clench my fists and turn my head away from him, not bearing to stare at his fucking face anymore.

"Where's the lie? You are half the fighter you were when I first met you. Your confidence is replaced with defensiveness— yet you somehow expect to take down a crime lord and your own father." His words continue to stab into me, "You're not who you used to be, you are even more damaged."

"Can you just shut up?" I curse the quiver and weakness in my voice. He's not lying... I just hate to hear it out loud.

"No, you are being ridiculous by thinking you can shoot your problems away–"

I snap my head back to look at him, my vision blurring with a mix of anger and sadness, "You've killed my confidence, Murdock."

"I brought you down from your power-high is what I did."

"That was the only thing keeping me on the surface of the water, now I'm drowning."

He leans forward and gingerly places his calloused and bruised hands on the table, "Then learn to swim."