Prologue
I looked at the slits on my wrists. It's not fatal but it's painful. Ngunit may mas sasakit pa ba sa nararanasan ko ngayon? My heart is too broken from what I saw today. It is too painful that I like to cut my wrist so that I won't feel the pain in my chest anymore.
Pinunasan ko ang luha ko at umalis sa kama upang magtungo sa banyo. Hinugasan ko ang sugat sa aking pulso. Medyo mahapdi iyon ngunit ayos lang. I like the pain. Naalis ang dugo na umaagos roon kanina pa. Matapos kong hugasan ay saka ko ito pinuluputan ng panyo upang matigil ang pagdugo at para na rin maitago. You might think it's crazy but I want it hidden from Mom and Dad. Ayokong malaman nila na naagrabyado ang anak nila. It would make Daddy mad and I don't want him to kill someone who's not even worthy to be killed by my father.
I decided to clean myself and dress up. I'm going out alone to distract myself. Wala naman akong kaibigan na pwedeng mapagsabihan ng lahat ng ito. I only have my cousins and apparently, Cleo is so busy with her modeling career kaya di ko na muna siya iistorbohin.
Sinalubong ako ng malakas na disco music sa bar na madalas naming puntahan ni Cleo. I can also smell cigarettes and different kinds of scents. Everyone is so busy drinking, talking, dirty dancing, or just getting wasted. Dumiretso ako sa bar counter at umorder ng maiinom. I'm not here to have fun, I'm here to get drunk.
"I want something that is bitter and strong. Can you give me that?" I asked the bartender. Matagal pa niya akong tinitigan bago tumango at umalis para gawin ang hinihingi ko. Suki na kami dito kaya kilala na rin kami ng halos lahat ng bartender ng bar na ito.
Hindi naman nagtagal ay bumalik siya at inilapag ang inorder ko.
"Something bitter and strong for you, ma'am." he said and smiled at me politely. Kinuha ko ang maliit na baso na naglalaman ng kulay pulang likido at ni-bottoms-up iyon. I cringed because of its strong and bitter taste ngunit nasarapan ako sa anghang na naramdaman kong gumuhit sa aking lalamunan.
"Another one please." Agad namang kinuha ng bartender ang aking baso. Sinundan ko siya ng tingin sa hindi kalayuan habang nag-uumpisa na siyang magmix ulit ng aking order. Agad siyang bumalik matapos niya itong gawin. Agad ko iyong ininom at mas lalong nalasap ang anghang sa aking lalamunan. It feels so good.
It feels so good but will it heal my heart?
I think not. I smiled bitterly at nagpakalasing. Bahala na kung anong mangyari, basta't gusto kong makalimot ngayong gabi. Kahit ngayong gabi lang.
My eyes were blurry, medyo nahihilo na rin ng may lumapit sa akin. Naramdaman kong may humawak sa aking bewang at bahagya akong napahilig sa isang matigas na bagay. I can't even care anymore because the alcohol is already taking my system. I tried to smile at the guy whom I don't even know who. Mayroon siyang sinabi na hindi ko narinig kaya naman ay tumayo ako galing sa pagkakaupo sa bar stool. Nafeel ko agad ang hilo kaya naman ay muntik na akong matumba kung hindi lang ako hinawakan ng lalaki na ito. I smiled at him and said thank you. May sinabi ulit siya pero di ko parin narinig kaya naman ay humawak ako sa kanyang dibdib at tumingkayad. Inilapit ko ang aking tenga sa kanyang bibig. Hindi ko alam kung may sinabi siya o wala dahil hindi ko parin naman iyon narinig marahil sa lakas ng music sa loob ng bar o siguro dahil nawalan na ako ng malay.
~•~
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, events and incidents are either products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to the characters, places, events, incidents and names of actual people, living or dead are purely coincidental.
Do not distribute, publish, transmit, modify, display, or create derivative works from or exploit the contents of this story in any way unless a permission from the author was obtained.
Warning! This story contains explicit mature themes not suitable for readers below 18 years old. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!
